Another Day
by Plesiosaur
Summary: Real World Bubbline request fic. St Luke's Psychiatric Hospital isn't the sort of place anyone could expect to find love, but maybe sometimes things need to get really dark before you can see the light. And perhaps life is worth living after all, perhaps you don't need to be normal so long as you're happy. VERY strong trigger warnings for suicide and mental health.
1. Chapter 1

**~VERY STRONG TRIGGER WARNINGS FROM THE VERY START~**

 **Seriously, I'm not messing with this one. I'm posting it because I worked really hard on it and I want to reach out to anyone who's been in the same situation, but there is some extremely heavy stuff in this fic, like on-screen suicide attempts and stuff. So please read with caution, because I'd hate to trigger someone with something that they weren't expecting.**

 **This was a request fic from the literally adorable radcoolbro7, who wanted to see some Bubbline set in a mental health facility for teens with suicide and self harm problems. It's the darkest thing I've written in this ship, possibly in years, and it's pretty obviously written from a perspective of personal experience. So please be kind and from a personal perspective look after yourselves and each other. I love you guys, I don't tell you enough. Knowing stuff I write connects with people is wonderful, I genuinely hope this can help someone who maybe is dealing with the same issues. Guys seriously? If you are ever in a situation where you don't want to be here anymore please please drop me a line, if you want to talk. I've always got time for a talk with a friend.**

 **Content Warning: Suicide from the very start. Self harm, eating disorders, delusions, off-screen character death, medical language, mental health.**

* * *

 _Dear Simon,_

 _I want to take this opportunity to tell you that I love you more than anyone else still in the world. I'm sorry things had to end this way, please don't blame yourself for this. I know you tried as hard as you could to help me and I hate that I have to leave you behind now. But this world is too painful, I can't go on like this. I shouldn't be here, I wasn't supposed to survive. I need to do something to make all the hurting stop. Just existing hurts too bad, it's more than I can take. So I need to stop existing and I'm really sorry that it'll hurt you, I wish there was a way to do this without causing you pain. I hope you can forgive me for it one day and remember the good times we had together, maybe light a candle for me on my birthday next year. I'd like that. Please don't cry for me though, don't look at me when they find me. Just call the police when you get this note and tell them I'm in my bedroom and I'm finally at peace. I don't deserve your grief, or even having someone as wonderful as you looking after me. I hope your next foster kid turns out better. Hope you understand why I had to go._

 _See you on the other side one day, I'll be waiting._

 _Love you._

 _Marcy xxx_

"Ambulance service, what's your emergency?"

"My foster daughter's left a suicide note and barricaded her bedroom door, I can't get in! She might already be dead!"

"Ok, stay calm. I'll organise an emergency ambulance straight away, can you give me the address?"

They said suicide was painless. They lied. But the terrible burn of bile and half-digested medication forcing its way back up her throat was beginning to grow distant, starting to get unreal. She was finally slipping away and that was the first time in so long that she'd felt peaceful. It was wonderful, blissful. The pain of existence had almost gone. She closed her eyes and waited to see her mother again, certain that this time it was going to happen.

The sound of the door bursting open under the force of a hydraulic battering ram jerked her back from the edge of unconsciousness.

"Marceline, can you hear me? Come on sweetheart, open your eyes."

No, she didn't want to, it was too bright and everything hurt in a more physical way that usual. No. She should be dead, why wasn't she dead?

"I'm a paramedic, I'm here to help you. Can you tell me what medication you've taken?"

"No. Go 'way."

"Come on sweetheart, I want to help. Was it your antidepressants?"

She didn't reply, turned her head a little to the side to try to avoid what was probably a pen light they were trying to shine in her eyes. Dammit, this time she'd been so close. She could feel her serenity slipping away, feel the connection to her mother dimming and fading. She wanted to die so badly.

"She's tried this before with her medication. My heart tablets are missing out of the bathroom, I think she's probably taken them too."

That was Simon's voice, edged in panic and tears, he shouldn't be home yet. Oh. He must have found the suicide note before she was dead. That was just bad luck; next time she'd go somewhere he couldn't find her straight away. Next time she'd do it right and she'd see her Mum again.

"Marcy, hold on darling. You're gonna be ok. I promise. Just hold on, please, don't you die on me. Please."

That was the last thing she remembered before she woke up in the intensive care ward a week later with her yellowing skin peeling off like bad sunburn and covered in the same gross golf ball sized lumps and darkening speckled bruising as last time. Acute liver failure again, then. She must have been really close to dying this time. She wasn't conscious for so long but the nurses noticed her eyes were open and called the consultant and child psychiatrist anyway and for a while there was a confusing mash of voices around her all trying to get her to look at them, talk to them, tell them why a young lady with her whole life ahead of her would want to kill herself. She closed her eyes until they went away, sliding back into a medicated sleep.

Time passed. The next thing she was aware of was the noise of someone trying to hide their grunt of pain as they sat down next to her bed. The arthritis in Simon's knees must be bothering him again. That was bad; he should go to the doctor. She thought about telling him so but that would mean opening her eyes. She lay still and tried to breathe slow and steady, tried not to move at all.

"Marcy?"

She didn't want to wake up and face that voice. But deep down she knew she owed him an explanation.

"Marcy come on, I know you're awake now. Your heart monitor sped up when I spoke."

Stupid heart monitor. She opened her eyes reluctantly, squinting past the unwelcome brightness to his lined face.

"Simon. M'sorry." she mumbled.

"I know you are, darling. But we talked about this, you promised you'd come tell me if you felt like this again. You promised."

It was the raw heartbreak in his voice that did it; she'd promised herself she wouldn't cry too but it looked like keeping promises wasn't something she was very good at either.

"It just hurts so much, all the time." she whispered around her tears. "It's like I've got this heavy weight dragging down on me, like there's a big stone around my neck and I'm trying to swim but it's pulling me under the waves. I just want to feel normal again. It's crushing me, I can't breathe for it sometimes. I feel like I'm drowning in my head all the time."

"Darling, this has gone on too long. You're not coping and your medication isn't helping anymore. I spoke to your doctors while you slept and we think you might benefit from a stay in St Luke's-"

"No! Please, Simon! Don't send me to the crazy hospital! I'll be good, I'll take my meds!"

"Marceline, please. You've already proven to me that you're not coping at home. I just want you to be safe. What else am I supposed to do for you?" he asked. She wasn't sure if they were tears of frustration, anger or concern shining in his eyes. Anger, she hoped. It'd be so much easier if he hated her, he wouldn't mourn her once she was gone then.

"Then just let me die. I don't want to be here anyway." she murmured, turning her face away.

"You know I won't let that happen. You're going to St Luke's and we're going to fix this. You'll be there as long as it takes, darling."

"It takes about twenty minutes if I manage to completely sever both of the main arteries in the wrist. Quicker if I get both wrists. Give me a blade and I can show you." she muttered, avoiding his disapproving eyes.

"I know what you're trying to do and it isn't gonna work."

"I'm trying to kill myself, Simon. I thought that was kinda obvious."

"You're pushing me away. And I'm sorry but no matter how hard you push I'm not budging one inch, darling. I love you too much, I'm gonna be here until the bitter end. Whatever happens. You're never gonna be alone again, I promise."

"Please just stop loving me, Simon. I don't deserve it. People who love me get hurt and I don't want you to hurt anymore because of me. So just, stop."

"Sorry, I can't. Love isn't like a light, I can't just switch it off. You're my little girl and I'm always gonna love you, no matter how ill you get. This is an illness, Marcy. You're ill. And you can get better, I'll help you get better. You don't have to die and you don't have to live in constant pain either. You can be happy and healthy again. Don't you wanna be healthy?" he asked her quietly. She looked around, meeting his eyes again for a brief second before turning her head again.

"But it's so difficult." she whispered, ashamed of herself. "I'm crazy, I don't know how to be healthy anymore."

"Then go to the hospital and they can show you. You're gonna get better, darling." he told her, sitting forward and taking her smaller hand in his own, rubbing the skin comfortingly.

"Promise you'll still love me even if I fuck up again?" It was barely more than a whisper, but he heard her. He always heard her.

"Promise. You still love me, right? And I fuck up all the time. Remember when I burned your oatmeal that time?"

She let out a tiny reluctant giggle. He'd tried to tell her it was 'caramelised', that top supermodels ate it that way. Even at the tender age twelve she hadn't really believed him.

"Yeah. It tasted gross but I still ate it. I do love you, Simon. I'm sorry. I want to get well again. Just, I'm scared."

"But you'll go to the hospital for a while?" he asked hopefully.

Writing her goodbye letter to him had been hard enough but sitting there listening to him begging her to live was more than she could cope with. She could put up with the pain for a bit longer if it meant he was happy. Simon was the only person in her life she really cared about anymore, definitely the only person who cared about her.

"Yeah. I'll go to the hospital and let them try to fix me. For you."

...

Another week and she was physically recovered enough from her overdose to leave the intensive care ward. They took her straight to another ward, a secure ward in a mental health facility. Marceline hated St Luke's Psychiatric Hospital with a deep, burning fury that she usually reserved just for herself. But for Simon she'd have walked through lava. So she didn't fight when they loaded her into the transport ambulance, she sat quietly the whole way there, staring out of the window at all the normal people walking around outside in the sunshine who weren't crazy and were just going about living their lives happily. She envied them so badly.

The morning passed with her being physically examined and declared fit for admission by one of their nurses and then being shown into a room Simon had already unpacked some things into for her. She almost smiled when she saw that he'd left Hambo on her pillow with her favourite pair of pyjamas folded underneath the old bear. They had cartoon kittens on and said "I'M PURRFECT!" in faded lettering across the chest. Even her boots were there, although they'd taken the laces out in case she tried to hang herself with them. Nothing sharp, nothing poisonous and nothing she could wrap around her throat. She was on a medium alert suicide watch, like every other kid on the ward.

"How are you feeling, darling?"

She whipped around at his voice. Her foster Dad was smiling at her from the doorway with a bittersweet mix of relief and heartbreak on his weathered features.

"Hey, Simon. I'm feeling... I dunno. Empty. Kinda hollow. But not sad. Just, sorta nothing. You know?"

"I know, darling. You're gonna get better though. You're one tough cookie. Now I can't stay very long, but I'll be back to see you as soon as I can. We can only do visiting once a week at the moment but if you improve then I can see you more often." he told her, trying to keep any trace of regret out of his voice. He slid his arms around her shoulders in a hug and she rested her head against him, listening to the comforting thump of his heartbeat.

"I wanna get well again." she muttered against his broad chest. "I'm gonna get well and we can go on holiday together someplace. Ok? If I get well can we go away?"

"Of course, Marcy. You just let me know where you wanna go and I'll make it happen."

Simon's voice sounded croaky and more than anything else that's what brought home to her how badly she'd scared him this time. She hugged him tighter, trying to convey how sorry she was without having to grind out the actual words. Because words were cheap, words could lie. Hugs were much more truthful.

Eventually Simon had to leave. She watched him sign out through the security doors from the nurses' station and felt her first real feeling since before she'd downed the pills. It was regret, loneliness. It wasn't positive but it was a _feeling_ and that was progress. Before long the numbness set back in and she went back to her room, staring up at the ceiling with Hambo cuddled on her chest, trying to remember the words to the lullaby her mother had sung when she'd been small. It was something about gardens, although they hadn't really had a garden. They'd driven around in her truck most of the time, living in the back, always on the road. Her Mum told her they were gypsies and staying in one place too long was bad luck and travelling was in their blood. She'd told little Marcy a lot of stuff. The dried sprig of white heather dangling from the truck's rear view mirror was really lucky, dreams were full of mystic truths, she had power and mysterious skills born into her that others didn't possess. Perhaps it'd all been bullshit, Marceline had no idea.

That afternoon a nurse came and made sure she took her meds, examining the inside of her mouth with a torch to check she hadn't hidden any pills under her tongue. Marceline would have been insulted but she'd tried that before so she supposed they had enough reason to suspect she might do it again. Then she was lead back to the lounge for group therapy with the other kids on the ward.

"We've got a new member of group today, guys. Why don't you introduce yourself?"

She shook her head, she didn't want to talk about herself.

"Come on now, don't be shy. We're like a big happy family here." the smiling therapist told her. She rolled her eyes.

"Hey. My name's Marceline, I turned sixteen, like, three weeks ago and I want to die. Tried to kill myself with an overdose again and now I'm here." she told them loudly. She'd hoped they'd recoil in horror, maybe leave her alone. But the other kids in the group just nodded and muttered "Hi, Marceline."

"That was a really brave thing to share with us, it must have been very difficult for you. Well done, that's a great start." the therapist told her, giving her a warm smile. She scowled back at him moodily.

"I'm Finn." one of the boys piped up. "I'm really a super hero. I can't be killed. I got hit by a train but I didn't die. I'm gonna kill the bad guys. My brother is really a dog."

"No he isn't. You're not a super hero, you're crazy. I'm Lydia and I'm not crazy and I don't want to die and I don't know why I have to be here, this is so gay." one of the girls interrupted with an eye roll.

"Lyds," the therapist told her, "we covered this already. We don't call things 'gay' if we don't like them, it's homophobic."

"I don't care, I don't even know any gay people. And they're stupid. And _fat_." the girl shot back angrily.

"I'm not fat." Marceline said, not stopping to think about whether she should out herself to a whole group of crazy strangers.

"Ew, you're gay?" the girl screeched.

"Yeah. I had a girlfriend for a while but she drank bleach and died. I kinda miss her sometimes." Marcy shrugged.

"That's so gross, you're going to hell!" the girl called Lydia told her.

"Lyds! Apologise right now or you'll go to timeout!" the therapist cut in sharply.

"Oh, I'm _so_ sorry. Didn't mean to offend the faggot." the girl drawled.

"Hey, I still get off more than you do, bitch." Marcy snarled back.

"How'd you know, queer? I could be getting it from every angle four times a week! Guys can't get enough of me cause I'm not gross and fat like you lot."

"An ugly, skinny little bitch like you? I don't think even Superman over there is delusional enough to hit that."

"YOU FUCKING FAGGOT-"

"RIGHT! TIMEOUT, BOTH OF YOU!"

"No need to panic, FinnMan's here to save the day!" the blonde boy yelled, jumping up excitedly and beginning to sprint hyperactively around the room.

"Finn, sit back down!" the therapist yelled at him.

"TAKE THAT! AND THAT! FINNMAN IS INVINCIBLE!" he screamed, punching invisible enemies.

"It's fine, Finn. I want to go back to my room anyway." Marceline told him, desperate for him to calm down and stop being so fucking noisy. She felt sorry for the boy; being trapped in close confinement with a piece of shit like Lydia would drive anyone nuts.

She got up and sloped out of the communal lounge, heading back to the cell-like bedroom she'd been assigned that morning. She muttered to herself as she walked, trying to calm herself.

"Gotta try not to fight with anyone, gotta get well again, I promised Simon. Don't wanna let him down. God, this is hard. I wanna go home. These people are all nuts. I wish I- hey! This is my room! Put Hambo down!"

There was a skinny girl with wild red hair sticking up all over her head standing in the middle of Marceline's bedroom examining her teddy bear. She looked back calmly and nodded, placing the bear carefully on the pillow and shuffling off out the door again without uttering a single word.

"Who are you? Why aren't you at group therapy? I got sent to timeout. My name's Marceline. Hey, can you even hear me?"

The girl nodded a little but still didn't say anything. She opened the door of the room next to Marcy's and slipped inside, still completely silent.

"Fucking mental." Marcy muttered to herself. She'd already run out of her admittedly small reserves of caring for the day, though. She closer her door and threw herself onto her bed. With Hambo securely in her arms she curled up against the wall, trying to think about nothing at all because it was almost as good as not existing. She was glad Simon had brought her teddy though. Hambo smelled like her bedroom at home. She missed her foster Dad more than anything.

...

 _"Let's go in the garden_  
 _You'll find something waiting_  
 _Right there where you left it_  
 _Lying upside down..."_

 _"Mum."_

 _Glass smashed. Metal ground against metal. Blood. Screaming. And then silence. Awful silence. Up on the road vehicles passed. Nobody heard a little girl's cries over the growl of their engines._

Marceline woke all at once, heart hammering with old fear. It was dark, she'd ignored the dinner tray they'd left in her room and refused to talk more to anyone that day. It must be way past midnight already. At first she didn't know what had woken her, everything was as it should be. Hambo was in her arms, there was snoring drifting in from outside her door, must be Simon. She was warm, comfortable, her mother was calmly stroking her hair-

No, her mother was dead. Simon was miles away, she was in the crazy hospital.

"Shhhh."

She sat bolt upright and hurriedly backed away from the dark shape perched on the end of her bed. That wild mane of hair was unmistakable even in the moonlight and after a second her adrenaline spike began to calm.

"Why do you keep coming into my room? Why won't you talk properly?" Marcy hissed at the girl.

"Scared." she replied in a voice so quiet she might have imagined it. "You're scared too. I heard. Don't be scared. It's ok. Just a bad dream, you're safe here."

"What's your name?" Marcy asked instead, curiosity overcoming fear when the girl made no attempt to touch her again. But the other girl just shook her head. She held something out, something flat and square, wrapped in foil. After a second's indecision Marceline accepted it, staring down at the object in her hands and trying to figure out what it could be.

"It's good. It's my favourite." the girl whispered. Something popped wetly in the darkness and suddenly Marcy knew what she'd been given.

"It's bubblegum. Oh. Thank you, that's really nice. I'll call you Bubblegum. Is that ok? Cause I don't know your real name."

It sounded a bit like a hoarse giggle, like the other girl hadn't laughed in a very long time and wasn't sure how to do it anymore.

"Bubblegum." she repeated, still speaking so quietly it was a strain to hear her even in the silence. "That's nice, I like it. I'm Bubblegum."

"It suits you. Do you ever talk to anyone else?" Marcy whispered into the darkness. It looked like the girl shook her head no. "Why not?"

"Can't. It's too hard."

"Oh. I understand. I don't like talking about what happened to me either, and the kids at group are all buttholes. Especially Lydia. What's her deal? She looks like a skeleton. Anorexia?"

"Yeah. She gets fed through a tube. It's gross." the other girl whispered.

They sat silently together in Marceline's room for a stretch of time, she wasn't sure how long. After a while she was almost asleep again, propped up against the wall with her eyes closed, breathing slow and quiet. She opened her eyes but made no effort to move away when a hand touched her hair again, sliding through the long straight strands almost reverently.

"So soft." Bubblegum sighed quietly. "Soft like velvet."

"I've got my Mum's hair. Hey, Bubblegum? Do you wanna know a secret?"

"Ok."

"I had to come to the hospital because the doctors said I'm crazy. Cause I saw my Mum die. She got in a car accident when I was little, I was strapped in next to her. She died really quick but I was stuck in my seat with her for three days before they found me. It was... I saw her start to rot. Birds came and pecked her and I was too weak to scare them away by the third day. They ate her face. And now everything hurts all the time, like, in my feelings and stuff. I wanna go to Heaven and be with my Mum again. Daddy left when I was really small and then Mum died and now I live with Simon. He's my foster Dad, he's the best. He's the only reason I'm still alive. Don't wanna let Simon down. But I'm scared, cause I don't know how to be normal."

"Normal isn't a real thing anyways. Everyone in the whole world is a bit crazy. Sorry about your Mum."

It was the first time she'd told anyone about her mother since the accident. It felt odd to hear those words come out of her own lips. Something she knew so deeply, so intimately. Something she wasn't accustomed to hearing spoken out loud. She'd remained silent about it through hours and hours of therapy, even Simon couldn't coax those words out of her. But Marcy got the feeling the quiet girl wasn't about to go sharing her secret with anyone. She was trying to heal, she could share her story so long as it was dark and she didn't have to see the sympathy in anyone's eyes.

Bubblegum was like a cat, Marcy decided. Like a cat that was feral, it wasn't used to people but underneath all of its fear and skittishness it was still domesticated, still connected to people whether it wanted to be or not. And if she was still enough and quiet enough Bubblegum-cat would come and investigate her, because cats were curious. A complete nutcase, obviously, but a comforting nutcase. Perhaps she'd detected the wildness inherent in Marceline too and like two feral cats surrounded by new people had sought out her own kind for the comfort of being close to someone who understood even in the most basic terms, even a stranger.

Marceline was alone again by the time the nurse came around with her breakfast and medication the next morning. She hadn't even heard Bubblegum leave; she'd fallen asleep with the quiet girl's hands wrapped in her hair.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all for the wonderful feedback on the last chapter! I'm genuinely touched by how positive the response has been to this fic. As with the first chapter this one comes with heavy trigger warnings, but no suicide attempts here. Just a heap of backstory and exposition.**

 **I really appreciate the reviews you guys have been leaving for me. So if you so feel then please leave me a quick note to let me know if you liked the story, it makes my day when I get feedback.**

 **Content Warning: Mental health, homophobia, self harm references, more feels.**

* * *

"SIMON!"

He caught the hug she flung on him the moment he stepped through the door and staggered back a couple of steps under the unexpected weight; Marceline must have finally started eating properly again because she looked a little less gaunt than she'd been in the intensive care unit. That and her huge smile when she saw him almost brought tears to his eyes, he was so glad she was having a good day when he'd finally been allowed to visit. Everything had still been so new for her first weeks that he'd missed visiting, warned by her doctors to give her time to settle in before coming to see how she was doing for fear of disrupting her new routine. It had been the longest two weeks of his life.

"Hello darling, I've missed you so much! The house is so quiet without you, I almost put your records on this morning just for the background noise."

"I missed you too! Did you get my letter? Did you bring my guitar?" she asked excitedly. His face fell a little, he'd hoped she'd forgotten.

"Darling, I'm so sorry. I wasn't allowed. I wanted to, you know I did, but they wouldn't let me bring it. Because of the strings." he told her regretfully. It hurt so badly to see the smile fade from her face.

"Oh. Oh, of course, in case I strangle myself with them. Yeah I should have thought of that, cause I'm still crazy. It's nice to see you anyway." she said, avoiding his eyes. "Do you wanna come to the visitor lounge and sit down?"

"Sure. I brought you some other stuff though." Simon told her. They took a seat together in the lounge and he opened the backpack he'd been carrying. It had already been searched and approved by the nursing staff, there was nothing in there Marceline could use to hurt herself with.

"Oh, candy! Brilliant, thanks, Simon. I'm gonna share it with-" she glanced around, noticing there were other inpatients in the room, "uh, with Hambo. Yeah. I'll share it with my teddy bear. Hey, fuck your ugly skeleton face, Lydia."

"Marcy!" Simon gasped, horrified.

"Whatever, Suicide Squad. Eat your fat girl candy with your stupid bear, you're such a gross loser. Dirty faggot." a very thin girl across the room drawled, rolling her sunken eyes.

"Simon, she's super mean to me." Marcy murmured, looking genuinely upset. "She keeps calling me fat and a faggot, she's so homophobic. But you wanna know a secret?"

He nodded and bent forwards so she could whisper in his ear.

"It really hurt me at first but I know better now. She's got anorexia and bulimia and she's really insecure. I think she's lashing out because she doesn't know how to heal. Not like me, I'm really getting better this time. And Simon, I have a _friend_." she whispered proudly.

"A friend?" he whispered back. That was big news. Marceline hadn't had a close friend since the girl she'd liked had killed herself the year before. She nodded, smiling shyly.

"See the ginger girl reading her book in the corner over there? She doesn't talk to anyone, she has selective mutism. But she talks to me. She comes to my room at night and we whisper secrets to each other. She's really nice. And she likes candy. So I'll share it with her. I call her Bubblegum because that's her favourite, the sugary pink one with the strawberries on the packet. Can you bring some in with you next time you come?" Marcy whispered back.

"Absolutely, darling. I'll bring you and your friend as much gum as I can get." he promised.

It made Simon's poor heart glad to see that his foster daughter was improving. She'd been in St Luke's for more than two weeks now and so far the reports he'd received from her therapists and doctors were all cautiously positive. Marceline was reserved in group discussions and clashed with one girl in particular but never went out of her way to cause problems and seemed to be responding well to her changed medication. She repeatedly told staff that she wanted to get better and so far she'd done nothing to indicate that she wanted to end her life. But she still wouldn't talk about her mother and Simon knew that until she came to terms with it she'd never fully heal. So as proud as he was of the progress she'd made it was hard knowing that she was only improving temporarily. If she didn't deal with the root of her problems she'd just stay in the same cycle until she did finally manage to kill herself.

He was going to tell her about how their chubby rescue cat Gunther was, but at that moment they were interrupted by a loud voice shouting from across the room, an excitable looking blonde boy with what were probably his parents and brother.

"Jake you don't need to keep lying! I _know_ you're really a magic dog! It's ok!"

"Finn, please. Please stop this, bro. I miss you, I want my little brother back." the older boy pleaded.

"I'm FinnMan! And I'm right here! Don't cry, Jake. It's ok. You're a good boy. Good boy."

"He was in a train accident and now he's delusional; he keeps hurting himself because he thinks he's a super hero." Marcy told Simon quietly while the boy's parents tried to calm him and prevent him from leaping around on the furniture.

They talked a little longer about home and stuff and how Simon was getting on without her, before a couple of strangers entered the room and walked over to where Bubblegum had just slid into a seat by the door. Marcy broke off from listening to her foster father and stared at them. The older woman had the same ginger hair as Bubblegum and the boy had the same eyes. He rushed to what must be his sister and hugged her, gurgling. She hugged back but didn't say anything.

"Hello, Bonnibel. I brought Neddy to see you. How are you feeling today?" the older woman asked with a strained and obviously faked smile. Bubblegum shook her head and looked away. "Bonnie come on, won't you talk to me?"

No matter how her mother begged Bubblegum just shook her head and stared at the floor. Simon was watching them too with an unusually serious expression on his face. He'd taken Marcy's hand the moment he noticed that she was watching the exchange intently, whether it was to stop her going over to intervene or just to offer her comfort Marceline wasn't sure. Eventually the woman sighed and dropped the pretence of being happy to see her daughter or even wanting to be there at all.

"Do you know how much of a waste of talent you're being? How let down by you we all are? I didn't want to have to do this but you will insist on being difficult. Well, not any more. If you won't do as I ask and give up this ridiculous vow of silence then I'm going to have to take away the only thing you care about these days. No more candy. Ok? If you want something you have to ask for it, you have to use your words and stop being so awkward. I refuse to let you carry on like this any more!"

Bubblegum looked up, horrified, and briefly met her mother's hard eyes before looking tearfully away again. She still didn't say a word though.

"Come on, Ned. Your sister doesn't want to see you today." the woman snapped, standing up. The boy began to wail, it was clear there was something not quite right with him either. He clung to his sister's arm but eventually the woman pried him off and away from her, he couldn't be older than about twelve and he was bawling loudly enough to draw the attention of everyone in the room. As the nurses and care staff escorted him and his mother away Bubblegum slid from her chair onto the floor for a minute, silently crying, before running out of the door opposite and presumably to her bedroom.

"Looks like your friend's upset." Simon observed quietly. "Maybe you should go cheer her up. Is candy the only thing that makes her happy?"

"Yeah. And talking to me. She likes my hair." Marcy nodded.

"Right. Then you'll be receiving some packages in the mail soon. The staff will have to search them but I don't think they'll mind. After all, they're for you. She doesn't talk to anyone, why would you share?" he asked with the ghost of a twinkle in his eyes.

"Simon, you're the best. I love you." Marcy breathed, standing up and hugging him hard around the shoulders.

"I love you too, darling. Go on, I'll be back next week."

...

"Shh, hey, don't cry. I brought you some chocolate." Marcy whispered when she slipped around the door of Bubblegum's room. The ginger girl looked up and offered her a watery smile, wriggling over so that her friend could sit on her bed with her.

"Thanks." Bubblegum whispered in her usual insubstantial way. "Mum's so mad with me."

"Yeah, I saw." Marcy replied. When her friend failed to take the chocolate bar she was holding out Marceline sat next to her and ripped open the wrapper, breaking off a little piece and holding it in front of Bubblegum's face. She opened her mouth and allowed her friend to place it carefully on her tongue, giggling a little despite her tears.

"Must be nice to have a Mum though." Marcy continued. "I miss my Mum. I wish I could tell Simon but he misses his fiancée, she left him because he got ill. And now he tries to fill up the big hole she left in his life by helping kids, he's really nice. I hoped he might properly adopt me but I'm too old for it now anyway. I wish Mum was still alive though. We were gonna go all over the world in her truck, we were gonna play music together. She taught me to play the guitar. I wanted Simon to bring it in so I could play for you but they wouldn't let him in case I try to hang myself with the strings. I wouldn't though. I'd take an overdose if I was going to do it again. I had it all planned out, I wrote a goodbye note for Simon and I pushed my desk in front of my door so nobody could get in. I just wanted to see Mum again, it always hurts so much to think about her. Like there's this huge gaping hole in my chest where my heart should be. Do you think maybe my heart died when she did?"

Bubblegum considered for a moment then unexpectedly laid her head against Marcy's chest. Marceline held perfectly still, barely daring to breathe while her friend listened intently.

"No." Bubblegum whispered. "It's still in there. I can hear it. But it got broken in the car crash and it hurts because it's all sharp and jagged. Like your feelings are broken and they're sticking into you. You're scared that if you love someone else they might be taken away from you too. Like, you're so scared of losing Simon that you plan your suicides for when you know he'll be there because you want to see if he'll still love you even if you push him as hard as you can. You need to stop being scared though because people die and that's just part of living. But you can't let fear stop you from loving people. Love is the only thing that holds the world together, it's the only thing that really matters at the end of everything."

"You're so wise." Marcy breathed. "How did you know all that?"

Bubblegum shrugged and sat up again, briefly making eye contact and smiling a little. Those were the most words she'd spoken out loud to anyone in two years.

"I watch people. I knew straight away that you had a broken heart. It'll keep on hurting until you heal it."

Marceline considered that she should be angry at being so thoroughly analysed, or maybe freaked out. But it was weirdly nice; Bubblegum had taken the time to assess her and watch her and work out how to help her. She had a gift for reading people and a drive to help. Even Marcy knew how rare that was.

"You're really clever. What are you doing here, Bubblegum? You should be out making the world a better place with your cleverness." Marceline told her.

For a moment the other girl looked away, eyes misting over. Then she began to talk even more quietly than ever.

"Mum says I've got Asperger syndrome. Neddy has full blown autism but I'm just aspie. And I'm really clever and I'm gifted and I should be a doctor or a diplomat or something. So she tried to make me go to all kinds of special schools and extra courses and activities so I could go to Oxford University and it was too much for me. I got upset and I stopped talking. When I didn't say anything in class the teachers stopped telling her about how clever I was so I didn't have to do so much extra work. I liked learning but if I failed at something she'd yell and get upset, ask me if I knew how hard she was working for me, if I knew how much money she was spending on my education. I didn't want her to spend it on me so I stopped going to school. And it was easier not to talk to anyone, nobody expected things if I stayed quiet. When I got anxious and sad I started hurting myself and one time I cut my arm far too deep and I bled too much. I passed out and Neddy found me, he must have started screaming and then Mum called an ambulance. When I woke up I was in hospital and then they sent me here. I've not been outside for a whole year." Bubblegum finally muttered. It was the first time she'd ever said it out loud, either.

"That's horrible." Marcy scowled. "Why can't you just be clever at your own pace? Why can't you choose what you want to do? It's your gift, you should choose how you use it."

"I like making things." Bubblegum admitted.

"Then you should make things. You should do what you want to do with your life."

"I'd like that."

They sat in silence for a while longer, quietly munching chocolate bars between them. Very slowly Marceline became aware that her hand was warm, the one not holding the chocolate. She glanced down carefully and discovered that the other girl had curled their fingers together and was using her thumb to shyly stroke the skin on the darker girl's wrist. There were old scars there, thin silver lines that told anyone who wanted to know that when those scars had been made Marcy hadn't been sure where she'd need to cut; they were all at the wrong angle to hit the arteries. She'd barely lost more than a cupful of blood before Simon found her. But Bubblegum was stroking the scars in fascination like she didn't even know they were a visual reminder of all of Marcy's flaws and broken parts. Like they were beautiful instead of ugly. Marcy hadn't ever thought of her scars like that before. She had an old one running right down the outside of her left thigh with little puckered stitch marks crisscrossing it from where they'd had to open up her leg to fix the bone shattered in the car accident. As she grew she'd had to keep going back to the hospital to have the titanium plates holding her leg bone together replaced with longer ones, it was really painful if she hit a growth spurt without the surgery.

"When I cut myself it was like I was bleeding out all the bottled up words I couldn't get out of my mouth." Bubblegum murmured unexpectedly. "I knew it was really blood but I pretended. I never meant to hurt myself or nearly die. I like eating candy though. The sugar makes me feel better, like how I felt when I cut myself. I think it gives me a little endorphin boost. Those are the happy hormones in your brain. I like science too."

"You're the smartest person I ever met." Marceline told her honestly. "And the kindest. Listen, I've never really had a friend like you before. If I promise never to try to kill myself again will you promise that you'll only have candy instead of cutting yourself when you feel bad?"

Bubblegum looked up, surprised.

"Are we friends?" she whispered.

"Yeah, I think so. Do you promise?"

"Ok. I've never had a friend like you either. You're so pretty and your heart is hurting, but when it gets fixed it's gonna be the most beautiful heart ever. Like it was made of ruby. I'd like to see that."

"Then it's a deal. I swear it on my kinsfolk and ancestors. I guess that means Mum and Simon. It's an old Romany oath, my Mum swore it all the time when she said she'd always be there if I woke up in the night. I guess I was the only kinsfolk she had left, maybe that's why I've been so ill since she died. Because she broke her oath and now the curse rebounded on me. It's old gypsy magic."

"Magic isn't real." Bubblegum replied quietly.

"Yeah, I know. But maybe it happened anyway."

"If you died I'd miss you. So don't try to die anymore because I like you." Bubblegum continued in the same soft whisper.

"Ok. Don't hurt yourself again because I like you, too. Hey Bubblegum? Can I brush your hair? I bet I can make it look really pretty and smooth if you don't mind me taking some time with it."

"Ok. Don't pull it though."

And that's how they spent the rest of visiting day, hanging out in Bubblegum's room and talking in whispers, eating the chocolate Simon had brought and taking turns to brush each other's hair and try out different styles. It was the most fun Marceline had had in longer than she could remember.

...

"Joining us for therapy today, Bonnibel?"

She didn't reply, but nodded at the carpet and tightened her grip on Marceline's hand. They'd agreed that she'd come to therapy, something she'd refused to do since she'd come to St Luke's, if Marcy would hold her hand and talk for her. It felt good to be needed. Almost like another little sliver of shattered ruby had reattached to the chunk of jagged gem-heart in Marcy's chest.

"Well, there's always room in our circle. Who's going to start today? I want us to talk about how we approach feelings of wanting to hurt ourselves, how do we express that to others?" the therapist asked smiling around at them.

"I'm not trying to hurt myself. I just wanna be beautiful." Lydia said quietly, looking down at her hands. She'd had a long conversation with her parents the day before and had been a lot less confrontational since.

"Ok, so how do we recognise when we want to hurt ourselves?" the therapist asked instead, looking around the room.

"Oh! I want to test my skills!" Finn shouted brightly. "Like, I wanted to see if my teeth were really stronger than rocks so I bit some. But my nemesis put kryptonite in them and they broke my teeth, it's the only thing that can hurt me. But normal rocks are nothing, I can bite through them. I know I need to test my skills when I get itchy in my head."

"Itchy in your head. So can anyone else relate to how Finn feels when he wants to do something that might hurt?"

"They tell me to burn things." a younger girl spoke up. Her name was Phoebe and she was there because she kept setting things on fire, including herself. Her arms and legs were peppered with small burn scars from the many times she'd experimented with holding matches against her skin. "I can hear the voices in my head telling me to burn things, and I tell them I'm not allowed but they won't be quiet until I do it. I don't want to. But I have to."

"I just feel like everything hurts too much." Marceline spoke up hesitantly. "Like, my skin hurts and my heart hurts, but it's all just imaginary pain. And that's when I know that if something happened to kill me I wouldn't try to stop it. I'd just let it happen. Pretty soon after that I know I need to start saving my meds so I can die, because the pain is there all the time. Like, I can't sleep for it. I feel like there's something sharp in my chest."

"So it's like a physical pain that's caused by mental pain? Does anyone else have similar symptoms?" the therapist nodded to them all.

Bubblegum squeezed Marcy's hand urgently and leaned over, whispering almost too quietly to hear in her ear.

"Bubblegum says that she never wanted to hurt herself, it just felt like she'd explode if she didn't. Like there was pressure in her skin, all the words she couldn't say had to come out some way." Marcy announced to the group.

"You're a pair of faggots." Lydia replied tiredly, but there wasn't the usual level of vitriol in her words. She looked exhausted. "When I want to be sick I can feel the fat seeping into my stomach out of the food. And it's disgusting, it makes me feel gross. I don't want to die though. I need to eat to live. It just hurts so bad in my stomach." she added in a quiet voice.

"So the common theme here is that we all have mental pain expressed in physical ways and we all react to that pain physically. But in the long run do any of those things make the roots of the pain any better?" the therapist asked, looking around at them all. They were all quiet for a moment, shrugging.

"I got hit by a train. We were playing on the tracks, Mum told me to keep away from there but we thought we'd hear it in time if a train came. We didn't, though. It wasn't going fast but it killed my friend and I survived. Why would I survive if he didn't? Unless I'm special? But if I'm not FinnMan then who am I?" Finn asked unexpectedly. "I just want to be a hero, I don't want him to have died for no reason."

"You're a crazy little weirdo, that's who you are." Lydia replied with an eye roll. And of course the whole group session just descended into trying to make Lydia shut up and stop disrupting everyone again. But for a couple of minutes at the start there Marcy felt like she'd made real progress.

...

Marcy lay awake, staring at the ceiling and counting under her breath. Any second now, Bubblegum was obsessively punctual.

"Four, three, two, one, hello Bubblegum." she said, finishing her countdown out loud.

"Hey." the ginger girl whispered, tiptoeing across the room to her bed and sliding in between the sheets with her. Marcy immediately wrapped her into a hug and they snuggled quietly for a few minutes like they did every night now.

"Do you think Lydia's gonna die?" Bubblegum whispered after a few minutes.

"No, why? She's here, isn't she? So she must be getting better." Marcy replied.

"But she might die anyway, she looks like she's fading away. Maybe her body can't relearn how to eat normally. Even if she wants to get better now, maybe it's too late."

Marcy just shrugged, she didn't like the skinny girl and she wasn't going to cry if she ended up dead. But generally people dying wasn't a good thing so she supposed she should feel bad for Lyds. She had a lot of problems.

"Why did she call us faggots today?" Bubblegum whispered to her.

"Cause she knows I'm gay. I think she thinks you're my girlfriend." Marcy replied equally softly.

"Oh. I'm not your girlfriend, am I?" Bubblegum asked.

"No, I don't think so. You're just my friend. You're a really good friend though." Marceline replied. There was a sort of warm swirling in her chest when she said it and the word _girlfriend_ kept bouncing around the back of her head like it was made from rubber. But Bubblegum didn't want to be her girlfriend or she'd have just said so, right? So Marcy ignored it and just enjoyed the feeling of having someone close to her, someone warm who curled against her stomach to stomach and wound their fingers into her hair. It was comforting, having someone to fall asleep with. She waited up every night for Bubblegum to come to her room now.

"Hey. Tell me something interesting?" Bubblegum asked quietly.

"Like what?"

"I dunno. Something I don't already know about."

Marceline thought hard about it for a while.

"Did you know that even though they're both types of the same instrument the bass and the guitar are really different to play? You don't use chords the same way on a bass and you finger it differently." she finally whispered. Bubblegum giggled a lot harder than she had up to that point and Marcy had to shush her for fear of bringing the nurses to see what the noise was about. "Hey, you're being loud!"

"Sorry! It just sounds really naughty." the redhead replied around her giggles. "Have you ever fingered anyone?"

"No. I had a girlfriend but she didn't want to do anything. She just liked me because I brought her razorblades into school. Then she killed herself. I dunno, I miss her sometimes but I just liked that she was nice to me. I don't think I loved her." Marcy whispered softly

"Oh. That's sad. Did you kiss her?"

"Yeah, a few times. She wasn't really very good at it though."

"What's it like?"

"Warm, and really soft. Girl lips are so nice, like silk or something. And girl breath is so sweet and delicious. I knew when I kissed her that I was definitely all the way gay. I had a boyfriend one time but he was a dick so I dumped him. And he wasn't as nice to kiss as girls. Kissing girls is awesome." she replied after a minute's thought.

"Do you want to kiss me?" Bubblegum asked, still in the same innocent whisper with no idea what kind of affect her words were having on the other girl.

"I don't know. Perhaps. I just, I like you. But I don't know if I should kiss you." Marcy breathed, almost unable to get the words out. _Fuck_ , she'd let someone get close to her again and now she was having feelings and if she kissed Bubblegum then there was pretty good chance that the redhead would die and then she'd be alone again. People she loved died, she was safer if she didn't love anyone. So kissing the other girl was probably a really bad idea. Wasn't it? Maybe it wasn't, she'd have to think more about it. Because Bubblegum had said she had to start letting herself love people again or her ruby-heart wouldn't heal, and people who loved each other kissed, didn't they? Marcy hesitated, unsure what to do. She was caught between her natural instinct to push anyone who got too close as far away as she could and the urge to maybe let Bubblegum stay close, see if she wasn't too broken to love after all.

"Ok." Bubblegum replied lightly. "If you do want to I'd like that. But I like being your friend too."

"I'll think about it. I just, I don't want you to get hurt because of me." Marcy finally whispered.

Marceline fell asleep the same way she had for weeks, with her arms wrapped tightly around Bubblegum and wreathed in the scent of the other girl's favourite gum on her sweet breath, wondering what would have happened if she had kissed her, whether it would be safe for either of them.


	3. Chapter 3

**As ever, a huge thank you to my lovely reviewers. You guys are brilliant. There's no real notes to go with this chapter except to say that using animals as a prop for talking about traumatic experiences is very useful for a lot of people and if you're going through something similar you might want to consider talking to an animal? Also I just genuinely adore Simon, we need more Simons in our lives.**

 **Content Warning: descriptions of historical character death, self harm.**

* * *

 _Dear Marcy,_

 _I wanted to tell you about this sooner but your doctors suggested it might mess with your routine if you knew too far in advance so I apologise if this letter comes out of the blue. I've arranged for you to spend the day and night at home with me tomorrow, having some quality time together so we can start fixing things outside of a hospital setting. I'm sure you appreciate what a privilege it is that you're being allowed to come home for a night in the middle of your treatment. I couldn't help missing you and I thought we could talk some about how we're going to go forwards once you do come home full time. Because this is your home darling, it always will be for as long as you want it to be. I may not have as much legal control over you as I did before you turned sixteen but I meant what I told you in the hospital, I love you and I would do anything for you. So far as I am concerned the 'foster' part of you being my daughter is just a pointless legal word. So if it's ok with you I'll drop by right after breakfast tomorrow and we can have a day at home. Gunts has missed you too, he keeps sleeping on your bed and sniffing your things. I think we're both just counting down the days until you can be discharged._

 _With all of my fatherly love,_

 _Simon xxx_

She reread the letter for what felt like the thousandth time, waiting breathlessly by the door and looking up every time anything so much as moved behind the security desk. Soon, he'd be there any second. Simon never broke his promises, if he said he was going to come then he was. He'd told her plenty often that he wasn't perfect and he had his flaws the same as everyone else. But Marceline didn't really believe him, she knew way down to her bones that Simon was the most perfect parent in the world. He never shouted at her, he never let her down, she was always his priority. She and Gunther were both his rescue babies, he was the best foster Dad who'd ever lived. She resolved to tell him so the minute they were alone.

"Please don't leave."

A warm hand slid into her own at the same moment the breathy whisper tickled her ear, and Marcy was reminded of the only cloud in her immediate sky. Bubblegum was absolutely heartbroken that she was leaving for the night.

"It's only for one night, I'll be back tomorrow." Marcy told her solemnly.

"But I miss you already." Bubblegum whispered back.

"I haven't left yet. I'll see you tomorrow morning though, and I left you Hambo." Marcy replied quietly. Bubblegum was avoiding her eyes and wringing her hands together in what the other girl now knew was a sign of her deep agitation.

"But I need something soft or I can't get to sleep." she whispered finally.

"Marcy! Hello, darling. Just let me sign you out and we can go!" Simon called cheerfully from the other side of the security door. She hadn't seen him arrive, too busy talking to Bubblegum.

"Listen, I've gotta go now. But you'll be ok, just for the night, right?"

Bubblegum shook her head.

"How do I know you're coming back?" she whispered.

"Cause I left Hambo with you. And I gave you something soft so you could sleep." Marcy replied, wearing a grin she hadn't used in months. She'd been thinking about it ever since that night when the quiet girl had innocently asked if she was Marcy's girlfriend. And Marceline had come to the conclusion that she was trying to get better, she was trying so damn hard. Getting better meant letting go of the irrational fears she had about being close to anyone, her therapists all agreed that she should do everything she could to nurture close friendships and interpersonal relationships. And what better way to tell someone she cared about them and was letting them close? Nothing bad would happen, she reassured herself. Probably. But she'd never know if she didn't try. She was still pretty scared, though.

"Did you? Is Hambo soft?" Bubblegum asked quietly.

"Not so much. But, um, my lips are."

Marcy didn't even care if anyone saw, too focussed on getting her courage together. She leaned in and gave the other girl a very gentle kiss right on the lips, stroking her cheek as she did so and sighing a little because dammit she'd wanted to do that for so long. After a second she pulled back and smiled. Her heart was thumping staccato in her chest but it was worth it, easily the nicest kiss of her whole life.

"See? So now you know I'm coming back. Because I gave you a lovely soft kiss so you need to save up a really good one and give it back to me tomorrow." Marcy whispered happily. She stroked Bubblegum's powder soft cheek one last time and followed a smiling Simon out of the security door, looking back over her shoulder and offering her friend a wave as she left. Bubblegum looked back with huge eyes full of a complex mix of emotions and despite her plan to make sure her friend didn't feel abandoned Marceline felt terribly guilty about going. She'd begged the staff to let Bubblegum come too but they'd told her only direct requests from a patient's parent or guardian could be considered. Marceline had seen Bubblegum's mother, there was no way she was going anywhere.

"Someone looks happy." Simon observed quietly with a sidelong smile as they left the hospital together.

"Yeah, I think I might be a bit happy actually. Simon, do you think it's safe to like someone?" Marcy asked as she walked by his side, breathing deep lungfuls of fresh air as she went.

"I think so, darling. I know you've not had much luck with people in the past but that doesn't mean that everyone you like will leave. It means you're a person who's been through a lot and understands the value of people. Are we talking about your friend Bubblegum, by any chance?" he asked knowingly.

"Maybe." Marcy replied with an embarrassed grin, looking down at her feet. He smiled back and placed a fond hand on her shoulder.

"She makes you happy, I can see that for myself. Just, take it slow. I don't want you getting hurt again."

"We're just friends!" Marcy protested.

"Ooh and do you smooch all your friends goodbye when you're going away for the night?" he teased playfully.

"Simon you're so _embarrassing_!" Marcy wailed, full of normal teenage anguish that her father had seen her kiss someone. They were both smiling happily as Simon's wheezy old car pulled away from the hospital and they headed home.

...

"GUNTHER!"

"MIAOW! I missed you!"

"Simon, you're so lame. Come here, Gunty furbaby."

Gunther leaped lightly away when Marcy went to grab him, flicking his tail in annoyance.

"Fine, be grumpy." she told him. "You'll still come crawling back the minute I open a can of tuna, don't pretend you're too good for cuddles. Simon told me you slept on my bed, you big softy."

Malevolent yellow eyes turned on her hopefully at the word 'tuna' and suddenly the chubby black and white cat was much more willing to let her stroke his ears.

"Well now, darling. I thought we'd have some lunch, what would you like?" Simon asked happily. Marcy smiled up at him and it almost melted his heart, she looked so healthy again.

"I think I just kinda promised Gunther we'd have tuna. Do you wanna make potatoes?" she asked.

"Baked potatoes with tuna and salad, that sounds lovely." Simon replied.

"Ew, I'll pass on the salad thanks. I don't like green stuff."

"Shame, because it likes you. And it's also not optional."

Marcy sighed and shrugged, she'd never been able to talk her foster father out of trying to feed her green things no matter how many times she tried. It was like he was in love with vegetables or something lame like that. Simon wandered through to their kitchen and began pulling food out of the fridge and Marcy sat cross legged in the hall rubbing Gunther's belly.

"Gunther is a chunky cat, yes he is. Gunther is an evil cat, yes he is." Marcy sang under her breath, nimbly avoiding his claws when he randomly lashed out at her hand. "Hey Gunts? Did I ever tell you about my Mum?"

In the kitchen Simon didn't stop chopping up the salad but he was straining his ears as hard as he could; Marceline had never talked about her mother. She must know he could hear her, he was only a couple of paces away and the door was open.

"She was so beautiful! And such a good singer too. Better than me, she knew all the old songs from back when our family were part of a huge caravan train. She could sing them in the old language. And she knew everything about nature, Gunts. She knew which birds were nesting just from their song, she could tell if their eggs had hatched yet by looking at the ground around the trees. And she told me all the best stories. My favourite was always the one about the selkie girl who grew up in a human family and then she found her seal skin and went back to the sea. Mum taught me to swim in the sea, she didn't trust the chemicals they put in swimming pools. But Gunts, she was a crappy driver. And it was raining, she went too fast around a corner and we skidded off the road. My Mum died, Gunther. And I had to sit next to her body for three days because we were right out in the countryside and our truck went down a steep bank into some trees. They couldn't see our car from the road. But a birdwatcher found us when they noticed all the crows and he called the police and they got me out. My leg got broken and I hurt so much and I never really stopped hurting deep down. The birds ate her face, Gunts. It was horrible. I might be all broken inside still. What if I'm too broken for anyone to ever love me again, Gunts?"

"Miaow. People already love you. You're a wonderful girl who's survived some awful things, if anyone else can't handle that then they don't deserve to love you. It's so brave of you to start talking about your mother, I know how hard it must be for you. Miaow." Simon said quietly, still staring down at the lettuce in his hands.

"I love you, Gunther." Marcy replied. "Thanks for understanding and letting me talk about it at my own pace. I've wanted to talk to you about it for so long but I didn't want to make you sad. But my therapists at the hospital said that you're my kitty now so you want me to tell you sad things if it helps me heal. Were they right?"

"Miaow. Absolutely, darling. I'm always going to listen to you no matter how sad the stuff you tell me is. If you wanna be sad then I'll sit right with you and hold your paw while you're sad. And if you wanna be happy then I'll steal your tuna and demand belly petting and be happy with you. I'm your kitty, forever. Real kitties don't walk away from their owners when things get hard. You are the bravest young lady I've ever met and I'm so lucky to have you in my life, you make my day brighter just by being here. Miaow."

"I'm the only young lady you've ever met, Gunther! You came from a box by the roadside and then we got your from the rescue centre, you've lived here since you were seven weeks old. Silly old fat kitty. Hey Simon, is the tuna open yet?" Marcy called through to the kitchen, a little louder.

"Just doing it now, darling." he replied, also lifting his voice just a touch more than he needed to, willing to indulge her pretense that she'd been talking to the cat the whole time.

They ate a lunch of baked potato with tuna and salad together, although most of Marceline's tuna mysteriously disappeared into her lap where Gunther just happened to be curled up purring like a fat furry motor. She looked happier than she had in years, Simon thought to himself. Just for a little while he let himself dare hope that she might really be getting better this time.

...

"Do you think Bubblegum's lonely tonight?" Marcy asked for the tenth time in a row as she sat on their lumpy old sofa watching TV with her foster father that night.

"I'm sure she misses you, darling. And you obviously miss her. But it's only one night, I'll bet she's just fine." Simon replied, exactly the same way he had ten times previously. "Do you miss her?"

"So much. She normally comes to my room and we talk about all kinds of stuff. She knows everything." Marcy nodded happily.

"Everything?" Simon asked doubtfully. "Even where your tickliest tickle spot is?"

"ARGHH NO STOP I DON'T WANNA BE TICKLED!" Marcy squealed, wriggling away from him when he wiggled his fingers playfully in her direction. They both giggled together and she consented to let him hug her once the imminent threat of tickling was over.

"I know you miss your girlfriend, darling, but I am glad you're home for the night. Do you wanna talk about how you feel?" Simon asked quietly after a couple of minutes.

"I feel... ok, I think. Better. More like I can breathe again. Simon, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Now of all the things in the whole word that is absolutely not something you need to apologise for, ok? Like I said, you were ill. And now you're getting better. If you had a broken leg you wouldn't apologise for it, would you?" he asked her seriously. Marcy shrugged, avoiding his gaze.

"I guess not. I just feel like I fucked up. But Bubblegum told me that's called 'emotional reasoning', like because I feel guilty about something that I think it means it must be my fault. She said it isn't my fault though, and I have to apply the same standards to myself that I apply to others. So if she'd done the same I wouldn't blame her for it because I know she's ill. So I can't blame myself. Does that make sense?"

"Perfect sense. She sounds like a very kind and very wise girl." Simon replied.

"You should meet her, you'd like her." Marcy nodded, snuggling back in and resting her head on his shoulder. "I missed you, Simon. I'm glad you're looking after me now."

"Me too, darling. Me too."

"Hey, Simon?" Marcy asked, a little sleepily.

"Hm?"

"Will you tell me a bedtime story?"

He raised an eyebrow at her but she just shrugged.

"Just, nobody ever told me a bedtime story since my Mum died. And I know I'm way too old for them now but I miss Bubblegum and she always tells me stuff while I go to sleep, it's sorta like a bedtime story."

"Alright. Once upon a time there was a brave princess. And she lived with her mother, the beautiful queen. They were really happy together. But one day something very sad happened and the queen died, leaving the princess alone. She was sad, so very sad that a passing demon came to live in her head and feed on her sadness."

"This doesn't sounds like a very nice story, Simon."

"It has a happy ending. So anyway, the sad princess got sadder and sadder as the demon fed and even her foster father the king couldn't help, until one day she was so sad she wanted to go and be with her mother again. But she was brave, that princess, and deep down she knew it wasn't her time to go yet. So instead of dying she agreed to go to a special place just for sad princes and princesses, where they could make friends and get help. She was so brave. And once she got there the special doctors showed her how to open her mind and take the demon out, how to stop feeding it with her sadness and start seeing her bravery instead. Because the one thing demons can't stand is bravery, darling. It hurts them like a sword through their eye. And the braver the princess was, the weaker the demon grew. She was still sad sometimes, and that was perfectly normal because feeling sad is a natural part of being alive. But the important difference is that now when she was sad she was brave about that sadness and the demon couldn't stand it anymore. The more the brave princess faced her sadness and all her bad feelings about her mother dying, the weaker the demon grew, until he couldn't make her feel sad anymore."

"Was there another princess at the special place?" Marcy asked tiredly, eyes already sliding closed.

"There was. And her demon stole her voice, making her too sad to talk to people. But the brave princess had so much bravery that she had enough to spare and just being close to her made the quiet princess' demon weaker, so she could talk to the brave princess. I have this good feeling that being around the brave princess makes the quiet princess brave too, and soon she'll be able to be brave on her own and the demon won't be able to steal her voice as much. It'll take a lot of time and there might be setbacks sometimes but so long as the brave princess stays brave and lends her bravery to the quiet princess neither of them can ever be fed on by their demons for long. And you know what? The brave princess' father, the king, he's so proud of her. Prouder than he knows how to tell her."

Marceline didn't reply, her head was growing heavy on his arm and Simon gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Come on, darling, you can't sleep on the sofa. Off to bed with you." he told her gently. She opened her eyes and stared up at him blearily before nodding and standing, stumbling off to her bedroom. He followed, just to check she had everything she needed. He'd already made sure she took her evening meds and had snacks in case she woke hungry and a glass of water by her bed, mostly because Gunther refused to drink from his own bowl in the kitchen. She slid in between the sheets of her bed and yawned, closing her eyes again while Simon pulled her blanket a little higher as though she were still much younger and needed him to tuck her in.

"Good night, darling. Sleep well and wake me if you need anything at all. I love you."

"Mm, love you too. G'night, Dad." she murmured, already more than halfway asleep.

"Dad." Simon repeated to himself as he closed her bedroom door quietly. He went back through to the lounge and turned the TV down, still smiling like he'd received a wonderful gift.

...

"What's this?"

"A book."

"Very funny, smartarse. What kinda book?"

"You can't read? It's a book about sign language, it says so right on the cover."

The nurse narrowed her eyes at Marceline's attitude but there was no real reason to deny her bringing a book about sign language into the hospital so in the end she reluctantly placed it back inside the backpack.

"And this?" she asked again, pulling out a large plastic bag and holding it up like it contained something disgusting.

"Bubblegum." Marcy replied with a grin.

"That's a lot of bubblegum." the nurse said suspiciously.

"I've got a big mouth."

"Yeah you do. Fine, take your candy and get your scrawny butt back to your room. You missed group and the hospital is in lockdown." the nurse informed her curtly.

"Bye, Simon. I'll see you for visiting?" Marcy asked quietly, hugging him one last time before she had to go again.

"Of course. See you next week, darling." he replied gently, keeping all of his sadness out of his voice. He missed his daughter so much but he wasn't going to give her any reason to regret returning to hospital.

She turned and walked off into the lounge and away towards her bedroom with the nurse. He watched her go with a small tear in his eye, sad to see her leave but so proud of the progress she'd made recently. He just hoped she could help her friend too, it would absolutely crush her if anything happened to the quiet girl. But there was nothing he could do, he thought to himself as he slowly walked back to the car alone. They'd just have to cross that bridge when they came to it.

"Why's the hospital in lockdown?" Marcy asked the second Simon was gone, turning to the nurse anxiously.

"Because someone is missing and we're looking for her."

"Who?"

She knew who it was before the nurse opened her mouth, had known deep down the second the older woman had said 'lockdown'.

"The quiet ginger girl in the room next to yours. Bonnie Sugar. She wasn't in her bed this morning when I came by with her medication."

Marcy's world caved in. All the slow progress she'd made on her self esteem, all the careful cognitive reasoning about her emotions just collapsed. Bubblegum was missing, might be hurt, and it was her fault. Because she'd been selfish and wanted to spend a night alone with her father. Because she was the worst friend ever, because she was stupid and _cursed_ and bad things happened when she loved people and it was all her fault-

"Hey, hey! Stop that! What the hell, you're scratching yourself! Come on, kid, calm down!"

Someone was trying to pull her hands away from her arms, trying to stop her from forcing her fingernails through the soft nut-brown skin, trying to stop the pain that was the only comfort against the screaming in her head, the cry of crows and crunch of beak against bone, the grind of metal on trees. And she realised she was screaming too, screaming out loud like her heart was slowly ripping in two, exactly like she had the night their truck had skidded down the hillside and her mother had died in front of her.

"Marcy."

Someone was whispering her name in her ear and small soft hands were closing over her own and gently pulling her nails away from her skin.

"It's ok. I'm here. I slept in your room, I missed you."

Bubblegum was crouching by her side, she must have fallen to her knees when the world turned into a churning spiral of fear and anguish. Some of Marceline's tunnel vision faded and her screams quietened to a whimper.

"Why are you shouting? Why's your arm bleeding? Let me see. It's just a scratch, it's ok. Come on, you should rest. I'll help her."

Through the haze of shock and confusion Marcy vaguely registered that Bubblegum had spoken out loud to the nurse because she was still too messed up to form a coherent sentence. She allowed the redhead to pull her up from the floor and lead her back to her own bedroom, they were right outside the door anyway. But there were curious faces looking around their own bedroom doors, every kid on their ward knew Bubblegum had just talked out loud for the first time in over a year.

"Why'd you hide in my room?" Marcy asked shakily as Bubblegum shut the door on the nurse's protests and helped her across to her bed.

"I got scared in the night. And your pillows smelled nice, so I slept here. When they started shouting for me I got scared I'd done something wrong so I stayed in here. Nobody thought to look for me here. Then it got real quiet and I thought they'd forgotten, so I just waited for you to come back. Why'd you scratch yourself?" the redhead replied quietly, sliding into the sheets next to Marcy.

"Cause they said you were missing and I was so scared something had happened to you because of me. Everyone I love dies or goes away, I'm scared it's because there's something wrong with me. And I thought you might have died or something."

Bubblegum wasn't whispering anymore; she was speaking quietly but in a voice loud enough to hear without straining.

"Does that mean you love me?" she asked, still in that soft dreamy way she had of speaking.

"Uh, yeah, I think so. I kissed you didn't I? I'm no good at stuff like this. But I was scared at first because I'm not good at loving people. Do you wanna try it though? And just let me know if I mess it up, I'll try really hard to be a good girlfriend."

"Yeah, that sounds nice. Do you want to kiss again now?" Bubblegum asked innocently.

So that's what they did; they kissed, carefully and slowly, held each other and lay in Marcy's bed together talking and so relieved at being reunited. When the nurse brought their afternoon meds and lunch she brought both Marcy's and Bubblegum's to the same room, sighing and muttering under her breath but doing absolutely nothing to separate them. Bubblegum said 'thank you' quietly, staring at her shoes and scarlet in the face from the effort but still managing to get the words out on her second try.

"Oh! I got you a book too, I made Simon stop by the bookshop on the way back." Marcy told her proudly once they'd finished eating and were snuggled down in the bed again, still fully dressed but very comfortable together. "It's about sign language, I thought we could learn and then if you get scared and want to talk to someone but the words won't come out you can sign to me and I''ll talk for you."

"That's really kind and thoughtful, thank you." Bubblegum replied with a gentle smile. "I like learning."

"I got you a big bag of your favourite gum, too. I bought every singe packet in the shop. Simon must really like you, he paid for it all and he didn't even mind."

"Your Dad is so nice. I wish my Mum was nice. But I'm sixteen tomorrow and she won't be my legal guardian anymore so I don't have to live with her anymore. Maybe we can get a place together when we leave the hospital."

"Maybe. Or we can live together with Simon, I bet he wouldn't mind. Do you wanna be girlfriends who live together then?" Marcy asked carefully.

"Yeah, I'd like that. But not the sex bit yet, because I don't know if I'm ready. Is that alright?" Bubblegum replied, suddenly a little anxious and unable to meet the other girl's eyes.

"Of course, you don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Besides, I don't think Simon would want us to do that in his apartment. I'd be really happy having a girlfriend I just cuddle and kiss, if that's what you want to be."

Next morning a letter was sent out to both Bubblegum's mother and Simon informing them that during her time at the hospital their daughter appeared to have formed some kind of romantic attachment to one of the other patients, that they would be closely monitored but that there was no indication that anything overtly physical or inappropriate was happening between them, so for the sake of their recoveries the staff and doctors had agreed to do nothing to separate the girls just yet but that they thought it would be best to notify their families. Simon read the letter with a knowing smile on his face, relieved for Marcy that she'd found someone she could connect with. Bubblegum's mother didn't take it half so well.


	4. Chapter 4

**Penultimate chapter, guys. It's been a pleasure and after this there's only the epilogue to go. I was thinking about making it a longer story but I do like short but sweet stories too and I honestly didn't want to pad it out any.**

 **As ever, thank you all so deeply for the feedback on the story as a whole the last chapter. It's been a pleasure to write and so good to know you all appreciate it. Also sorry for the slight cliffhanger on the last chapter, sometimes I can't quite resist being a bit evil.**

 **Content Warning: mild homophobia, mild references to self harm/suicide, descriptions of character death. Nothing that hasn't already been explored in earlier chapters, though.**

* * *

The next day was a pivotal one for both of them, really. Not that they knew it when the first light of morning woke Marcy and she discovered that Bubblegum hadn't left that night and was still curled up against her chest sound asleep. By the first pale light of day Marceline let herself really look at the redhead, examine all the lines and curves of her face like it was the first time she'd ever seen a girl close up.

Once she'd started looking after her hair again it had been tamed down from a wild mane into light blonde-red waves that fell past her shoulders, almost pinkish in the early morning light. Her face was smoothed out in sleep, there was no worry or tension around her eyes. She had a very pale scatter of freckles across her nose and cheekbones; Marcy ached to take her outside into the sunshine and see if the other girl shone as brilliantly as she suspected she would. And there were physical flaws there, of course. Everyone had flaws. But Marcy was struggling to decide what they even were. Bubblegum's nose was ever so slightly upturned, perhaps having a cute nose was a flaw? All of a sudden Marcy was overcome with the urge to lean in and kiss that nose tip and she couldn't think of a reason not to.

"Mm, whuh?"

"Good morning gorgeous. Happy birthday. You're sixteen and your mother isn't allowed to tell you want to do anymore." Marcy smiled back when her girlfriend's eyes opened.

"Oh. Thanks, this is the best birthday I ever had." Bubblegum replied with a sleepy smile.

"There's something a bit sad and a bit wonderful about that. The best birthday you ever had is in the crazy hospital with your crazy girlfriend. But I'm glad anyway." Marcy replied with a smile, leaning back into her pillows and just enjoying the feel of someone warm and wonderful against her skin. They stayed like that for a while, snuggling quietly and occasionally talking in low voices while the pale sunlight grew stronger outside the bars across their window.

"I didn't get you a birthday present." Marcy realised out loud after a while.

"You got me a book and loads of gum."

"But I didn't know it was gonna be your birthday, those were just presents because I like you. Wait, I have an idea."

Bubblegum watched her curiously while she got up and went across to the tiny writing desk bolted to the opposite wall. Simon hadn't been allowed to bring her guitar but once it was obvious to the medical staff that she was no longer suicidal Marceline had been permitted to use her art supplies, except for the small craft knife that was still at home. But that was fine, she just needed paper and her pens.

"This might take a while, you can read or something if you want." she told Bubblegum once she'd found a clean pad of creamy white drawing paper and her case of coloured pencils and fine liners.

"Ok." the quiet girl replied, already pulling the sign language book out of the bag still by Marceline's bed and turning to the first page. That was where the nurse found them a couple of hours later when she arrived with their breakfast and meds.

"Miss Sugar, your mother is outside. She wants to speak to you." the nurse told her anxiously.

"But visiting isn't for another four days." Marcy interrupted. Bubblegum was staring down at the book like she was still reading but her eyes weren't moving and where she was gripping the cover her knuckles were turning white with tension.

"She has concerns about her daughter and I'm afraid I can't tell you more than that, it's confidential." the nurse replied. Marceline scowled up at her.

"She's sixteen today, she's legally an adult now. She can make her own decisions."

"Bonnibel?" the nurse asked, turning to Bubblegum and dropping into an even gentler tone. "If you want me to send her away just nod, but she's right outside if you want to see her."

Perhaps Bubblegum might have been about to reply, she'd been working really hard on communicating with people again despite her anxiety. But before she could work up to getting the words out someone shoved the nurse out of the way and next second her mother was scowling at them from the doorway. Her eyes landed on Marceline and narrowed in dislike.

" _You._ " she hissed angrily. "You little pervert, what have you done to my daughter? Get away from her, get out!"

Marcy may be clinically depressed and have problems with forming personal relationships but standing up to angry adults was something she'd been born to do, nobody except Simon had ever been able to make her do a damn thing she hadn't wanted to. Her teachers were most often on the receiving end of her sharp tongue but she had absolutely zero problems with using it on her girlfriend's horrible mother instead.

"Get out so you can yell at her some more and upset her and make her cry again, on her birthday? No. You can't order me around and you can't order her around either. In fact now she's sixteen Bubblegum doesn't have to listen to a word you say anymore. So you can get out, go on! Bitch."

"Her name is not 'Bubblegum' and I do not have to listen to some crazy little dyke! That girl is my _daughter_ and I can guarantee that she doesn't want you here either! She doesn't want people around her, she doesn't want to talk to anyone and she absolutely does not want a relationship with anyone, especially not you! This place has done nothing for her, there's no point in her being here. Bonnibel, come on. We're going home, I'm discharging you."

"Mrs Sugar, please calm down-" the nurse started, but she was cut off by a quiet voice.

"No. I'm staying here with Marcy. You can leave now, Mum."

Bubblegum had stood up from the bed and was staring at her feet again, still red in the face from effort but speaking loudly enough for everyone in the room to hear her. Marcy slid close to her and Bubblegum immediately wrapped her arms around the taller girl's waist, resting her head against Marcy's shoulder for comfort.

"Bonnie? What is this? What happened to you?" her mother asked quietly in a voice that shook a little.

"I'm getting better. I love her. And I want to do things at my pace, I want to use my gifts how I want to use them. If you want to be a doctor or a diplomat then you can go to Oxford University, but I want to make things. I might want to be an engineer or a sculptor, I don't know yet. I stopped talking because you yelled at me less when I was quiet and I didn't have to do so much extra work. I just wanted to be a normal kid, not a genius." Bubblegum replied quietly, voice muffled by her girlfriend's shoulder.

"I just wanted you to make the most of your talents!"

"And you made me really sick instead, I didn't want all that pressure. So please go away, I can't talk to you more right now."

"Bonnie, please." her mother begged.

"Nobody calls me that anymore. My name is Bubblegum. You can come for visiting if you want but I need you to leave now." Bubblegum replied calmly.

And something unexpected happened; her mother turned and left without another word. The nurse followed after a second, throwing an unreadable look at the two girls but holding her peace. And then the door closed and they were alone again. It took a few seconds for Marcy to realise that her girlfriend was crying quietly against her arm. Her shoulders were gently shaking with it and she was making little breathy gasps, trying to sob as quietly as possible as if that could make up for all the words that had finally forced their way out of her mouth.

"Hey, I'm super proud of you." Marcy murmured, stroking her girlfriend's hair comfortingly. "You were so brave."

"She's gonna hate me now." Bubblegum choked out around her sobs.

"No she won't. She's your Mum, she loves you. She just needs time for that love to dissolve the anger and then she'll be back and full of apologies. You just wait and see." Marcy soothed. "Hey, do you wanna see what I drew for you?"

"Ok."

She grabbed her drawing pad from the desk and pulled off the top sheet, presenting it solemnly to her girlfriend.

"I can't go out to buy you flowers so this is your present, it's a picture of the future." Marcy told her quietly.

"Oh! It's you and me! And you're giving me a bouquet! This is really good, you can draw really well." Bubblegum told her. She sniffed back the last of her tears and sank down onto the the end of the bed to examine the drawing more closely.

"I like drawing but I like music better. But this is you and me in exactly a year's time. We're out of hospital and I'm buying you birthday flowers. Your present this year is a promise for next year." Marcy replied a little shyly.

"It's the nicest promise I ever got, I love it. Thank you so much." Bubblegum told her. She leaned in to kiss her girlfriend, sadness about her mother forgotten for the moment.

...

The next afternoon was group therapy again and Marcy was determined this time; she was going to be brave. Bubblegum had been brave and faced her mother so now Marcy could be brave too, she wanted to prove she was brave enough to get better. Maybe she'd always be crazy but that was ok, Bubblegum had told her everyone was a little crazy. So when the therapist asked if anyone had anything they wanted to share with the group Marceline sucked in a deep breath, tightened her fingers around Bubblegum's hand and opened her mouth. She could tell Bubblegum and Simon, now she had to tell other people.

"My Mum crashed our truck and she died and I had to sit next to her body while the crows pecked her face off. I was only seven and I've been in care ever since and I didn't think I could ever love anyone because they might die too. That's why I kept trying to kill myself, because when she crashed the truck it broke my thigh bone and my ruby-heart got shattered. The thigh healed but the heart took a lot longer. It's not properly fixed yet but I think it's getting better. And I know now that love is the only thing that matters at the end of everything so even though I'm scared and it hurts I need to love people."

"That's messed up." Lydia announced. "Did she get thin when she rotted?"

"Lyds!" the therapist scolded her, but Marcy waved him off with a hand gesture.

"Yeah, a bit. But she looked really bad, gross and stuff. She went sorta blue-grey and then her stomach got all bloated up with rot gas. And there were maggots and stuff. I don't ever wanna see another dead body." Marcy added quietly.

"I don't wanna die." Lydia replied. "It sounds awful, like the opposite of being beautiful. I don't wanna go blue and have maggots and crows eat me."

"You gotta start eating right if you wanna stay alive." Finn piped up. "When Tiff got hit by the train he went sorta flat and stuff but they took him away before any crows could eat him. Do you think I'd have rotted if I died too?"

"Everyone rots. Even heroes." Bubblegum said quietly. Everyone turned to stare at her; it was the first time she'd opened her mouth in group therapy in the year she'd been at St Luke's.

"You can talk." Finn said in surprise.

"Yeah. I'm getting better, I'm trying to talk a bit. And Finn, you know there are all kinds of hero, right? Like, you can be the kind of hero who saves people from fires or talks depressed kids back to being healthy. Or the sort of hero who stops climate change or saves the tigers. Superheroes are just stories, they're like a metaphor for real heroes. So you can't be a superhero because they're just metaphors and superpowers are just how you use your brain in real life. But you could be a real hero, like you could really save people."

 _Finished_ , Bubblegum carefully signed to Marcy. It was their agreed signal that she'd spoken all she could stand for that day, but it looked like it had been more than enough. Finn was staring down at his hands with a thoughtful frown on his smooth face, like he was contemplating some very deep thoughts.

"I could be the sorta hero who really saves people in real life." he muttered after a minute. "I could be a police man or a fire man or a doctor or a politician. I could make a difference in the world."

"That's right, Finn. There's nothing magical about any of those professions. You just have to learn the skills they need and study and you can be anything you want." their therapist agreed. He smiled at Bubblegum and she smiled back, nodded but didn't say anything for the rest of group. Finally when they finished the therapist asked, "Does anyone have anything else they'd like to add?"

"I think Bubblgeum is magic." Finn nodded wisely. "She's the one who's really a hero. She's already making me better just by speaking. She shouldn't be scared to talk because when she does magical things happen."

"That's very kind of you, Finn. I'm sure Bonnibel appreciates that."

Bubblegum nodded again, smiling shyly down at the carpet and rubbing her thumb around the thin scars on Marcy's wrist like she often did. They had lunch after group and once everyone had eaten they had free time to socialize. Bubblegum was sitting on the floor with her face in her book and head resting against Marcy's knees while the taller girl braided her hair and thought about all the summer flowers she'd use to make flower crowns for midsummer when they were out of hospital. She'd made flower crowns and sung songs in the old language with her Mum to honour the sun, it was another old tradition that Marcy hadn't done in years. They had a big empty space on the roof of the building where her and Simon's apartment was, she was gonna ask the company that owned the building if she could start a roof garden there for city teens who were depressed to come and learn about nature. She could teach them the stuff her Mum had taught her before she died and maybe she'd ask Finn to come too so he could be a real hero and talk to other boys who had problems. And they'd grow flowers and have bees and make honey; she'd make elderflower cider and wear flower crowns on midsummer with Bubblegum and Simon and all their friends. Marcy resolved to draw a plan of what it would look like before lights out that night and she could ask Bubblegum what kinds of flowers she liked best once the redhead didn't have all her attention focussed on the sign language book. If they had a plan and it looked official and had adults like Simon involved they'd definitely be allowed to do it. A voice interrupted her thoughts and she looked up, frowning by habit when she noticed who had slid into the chair next to her.

"Do you know how to do the waterfall braid?" Lydia asked, pointing at Bubblegum's head.

"No. I don't know what the waterfall braid is." Marcy replied neutrally. She decided to wait and see what Lydia wanted before she'd be too defensive.

"Duh, it's a braid that looks like a waterfall, only it looks more like a firefall when you do it with red hair. Hey, Phoebe! Come over here a minute, I wanna show these fags how to do the waterfall braid!"

"Don't call us fags, it's discrimination." Marcy scowled at her.

"What should I call you then? You are fags." Lydia shot back. Bubblegum didn't look up from her book but she murmured a quiet answer anyway.

"Just people. Girls. We're a gay couple but we're still people. Like, you have curly hair, right? But that isn't all you are. You're ill, you're straight and you're creative too. I've seen you draw boys and you make bracelets out of little wooden beads. And you're good with makeup and numbers. Not a single one of those things defines you completely, they're just some of the bits that make you. If you call us fags then you're just focussing on one bit of us and we're not things, we're people. Like if you make a house out of wood or brick it's still a house either way. Doesn't matter what it's built from."

Lydia stared at the back of her head and so did Phoebe who'd wandered over, although with the younger redhead it was hard to say because she always looked a little surprised.

"I liked her better when she didn't talk." Lydia finally said with a shake of her head. "Right, sit down Phoebe. I'm gonna teach these fa- girls how to do the waterfall braid like in our fashion magazine. Pay attention, Suicide Squad. I'm not gonna show you twice."

Marcy shrugged but she did pay attention; Lydia was right. It looked like a firefall, or a sunsetfall when the finished braid was cascading down Bubblegum's head. It wasn't as perfect as Lydia's braid but if she practiced Marcy was sure she could learn to do it just as well.

"Maybe you could be a beautician." she told Lydia when the skinny girl was done.

"Maybe." she shrugged. "Hey Suicide Squad? Why'd you wanna be gay? Seems a stupid thing to wanna be."

"I didn't choose it, I just got lucky." Marcy replied, still fiddling with Bubblegum's hair.

"Oh. So is it true that you get born that way?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"It's still gross."

"So is salad but you gotta eat that anyway." Marcy replied, thinking of Simon and his obsession with feeding her green stuff. "At least nobody is making you eat gay people. Just share a planet with them."

Lydia giggled and it was weird because it almost felt like they'd made friends. Even Phoebe smiled at them although she had a far-away look in her eyes that said she might be listening to voices the rest of them couldn't hear. There was probably nothing that even someone super smart like Bubblegum could do about the voices, they needed medication and stuff.

That night before they snuggled up together in Marcy's narrow bed she showed Bubblegum the roof garden plan and asked what kind of flowers she liked. The redhead was quiet for so long that Marcy thought maybe she wasn't gonna talk any more that day and was getting ready to put the drawings away.

"I like roses. And honeysuckle. I like the butterflies and bees that come to visit and all the birds. Maybe we could have nest boxes." she finally murmured. "I could make them out of wood and you could paint them and Simon could put them up high so the baby birds are safe from Gunther."

"That sounds really nice. I was always fascinated with gardens when I was a kid because we didn't have a garden but my Mum used to sing a song about gardens, about how they stay the same but change in little ways. I think it was supposed to be a metaphor for people, or life or something. I don't remember all the words but I remember the tune." Marcy replied a little sleepily, putting her drawing pad on the floor and slipping into the sheets next to Bubblegum.

"Can you hum it for me?" the redhead asked as she curled up with her head on Marceline's chest like she did every night. Marcy concentrated for a minute before she started humming gently, the same old tune she'd fallen asleep to when she'd been very young. Bubblegum giggled a little at the way Marcy's chest vibrated against her ear.

They fell into sleep together, Bubblegum dreaming about butterflies and bees and a forest they could wander through and do whatever they wanted together and Marcy dreaming about flower crowns and a little cottage together and the way the flowers would always come out in spring, year after year. She'd get Bubblegum a pretty dress to wear in the spring when the flowers came and she'd play her bass. Even when she was old and wrinkly they'd always have music and flowers together in their cottage by the lake.

...

A month more came and went and so did Bubblegum's mother for visiting, every single week. Marcy gave them space and let them talk together in low voices while she played chess with Simon and went through her plans for the roof garden with him. Sometimes her girlfriend told her afterwards what they'd spoken about and sometimes not; Marcy was just glad Bubblegum was talking to her mother again. She didn't need details, she was just glad to know that her girlfriend was getting better.

And then the day she'd been anticipating since she'd been admitted to the psychiatric hospital came. Marcy took a seat nervously across the desk from the consultant in charge of her care and Simon sat next to her, resting a hand carefully on her shoulder to let her know he was there and he was on her side.

"Well, Miss Abadeer, it'll be a shame to see you go. You're something of a local celebrity here. I've been hearing how you're reaching out to our other juvenile residents and trying to help them heal, we might have to advertise for a new staff member once you're discharged." the consultant smiled at her over her notes.

"Does that mean I'm getting discharged?" Marcy asked cautiously, heart feeling like it was sliding up in her chest to thump uncomfortably in the base of her throat.

"Well, do you feel better?" the consultant asked her.

"Yeah. Loads. I feel... it's stupid. But someone told me my heart was a shattered ruby since the car crash, and now it feels like it's healing. I don't think it's all the way better but I think it's as well as it has been since my Mum died. She was killed in the car crash." Marcy added by habit. She'd been trying to talk about the crash as much as possible since she'd opened up about it at group.

"And that's why we feel that you're ready to go home, Marceline. If you'd told me that you were completely better and you definitely didn't need any more help I'd know that you were just telling me what I want to hear. But you accept that you're still ill and still in recovery, so I'm confident you're going to continue to heal outside of hospital. At this point I think going home would be the best thing for you. Your father tells me you plan to start a charity project when you get home?"

"Marcy had me send the plans to our housing company, they've offered to give her a small amount of funding for plants and tools to begin a garden therapy project." Simon replied for her, almost bursting with pride.

"That is a truly excellent idea, I wish you the best of luck with it." the consultant said with a smile. He stood and offered his hand; Marcy shook it feeling awfully grown up. "Well, all that remains is for me to wish you well and hope I never see you again, at least not as a patient. Good luck, Marceline."

"Thanks. Um, bye." she replied a little awkwardly. Marcy had been daydreaming about being discharged for weeks and she was so happy to go home. But part of her was still horrified by the prospect; not just because putting all her plans in motion was scary and she had a whole year of school to resit and a charity garden to open. She hadn't really talked to Bubblegum about going home, she'd just told her the night before that her discharge meeting was happening the next day and the redhead had nodded and told her she already knew. Simon was smiling at her as they left the consultant's office together and he almost looked a little sly, it was the same face he wore when he thought he was being funny or subtle or something.

"What?" Marcy asked with a scowl as they walked.

"Nothing. Just glad you're coming home." Simon replied cheerfully. She narrowed her eyes at him but he didn't say anything else, just continued to smile like he knew something she didn't.

"You're annoying." she told him as they rounded the corner to the lounge.

"That must make you Annoying Junior then, darling." he said with a grin. Marcy rolled her eyes. Then she stopped dead and Simon's grin grew wide enough that she could have seen all of his teeth if she'd been looking at him, which she wasn't.

Bubblegum was standing in the lounge waiting for them with a pile of bags and Marcy's suitcase at her feet. She was holding the notepad Marcy had recorded all her plans for the garden in and smiling shyly at them both.

"That isn't my stuff. That's your bag with the cupcakes on. Why's your bag out in the lounge?" Marcy frowned, staring at her girlfriend.

"It's my stuff. I discharged myself. I'm coming home with you." Bubblegum replied quietly.

"But... your Mum. She's gonna go absolutely mental." Marcy said disbelievingly.

"She already knows, she's known for weeks." Simon told her, coming forwards and laying a hand on her shoulder. "We've been talking and she's happy for her daughter to come live with us for now, until the two of you feel ready to get a place of your own. So long as she can come visit. You'll be going to the local college together, you can resit your last year of school at the same time as you take your first year of college and we'll fix the garden together in the evening and on weekends. Does that sound good?"

"It sounds unbelievably good! You're the best!" Marcy squealed, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.

So they left the hospital together, Marceline and Bubblegum hand in hand and all three of them grinning from ear to ear. Simon carried the heavy bags and once they got outside into the summer sunshine he handed the car keys to Marcy and told them to go get themselves settled while he packed the bags in the back. Marcy took off at a run across the car park, feeling freer than she had in so long that it might even be the freest she'd ever been. Bubblegum was jogging alongside her and Marcy had been right, the redhead glowed in the sunlight.

"Come on, Dad!" Marcy yelled unthinkingly over her shoulder at where Simon was still puffing along behind them with their bags. It was only much later that Marceline realised that she'd been to happy to remember to call him by his name and she couldn't bring herself to be even a little sorry for it, she was too glad to finally be home with her father and her girlfriend.


	5. Chapter 5

**Firstly a HUGE apology for the delay in writing this epilogue. I've been putting it off for a bit because I wanted it to be absolutely perfect. And I think I've done it justice here, anyway. This is an absolute beast of a chapter, pushing 7000 words so it's essentially double my usual word limit. But I thought you guys wouldn't mind? Anyway, I hope it lives up to expectations and you think it was worth the wait. Please feel free to drop me a line and tell me what you thought of the chapter/story.**

 **Another reminder, if you guys wanna read awesome action!Bubbline go check out DiddlyPanda's story The Ties That Bind Us. It has everything, go read it!**

 **Massive hugs, love and kisses to the eternally wonderful radcoolbro7 without whom this fic would not exist. Seriously, send them so much love for being a constant inspiration**

 **Content Warning: Extreme fluffiness, some medical sadness/potentially implied sad endings for one character, feels, smooches.**

* * *

Another beautiful day in the garden was drawing to its close and two girls were basking together in the golden glow before sunset after another day of planting, weeding and tending to their work. It was hard not to feel relaxed by the atmosphere of absolute calm around the girl with very long dark hair and dusky skin reclining peacefully in the lap of a fair skinned girl with light red waves tumbling past her shoulders. One pale hand was wound protectively into dark hair and the other was holding a book out for both of them to look at, though the darker girl was spending more time being enthralled by the tiny expressions that flitted across her girlfriend's face as she read.

"Do you think bees fall in love?" she sighed into the silence that rolled deep around them.

"No? I mean, they have a completely different social structure than people do. They live in a hive, they only have one queen who produces offspring and all the workers are her sisters or daughters. And I don't think they have the kind of higher-processing abilities required to establish or maintain a complex pair-bond. They do have fascinating chemical memory though and did you know they communicate the location of food resources to the rest of the hive by _dancing_? It's so... who'd have ever imagined that bees could dance? But they do, they vibrate their bodies and sorta twitch in different directions and the amount of time they vibrate for and other subtle things about the dance tell the other bees exactly how far away the food is and loads of other information too. Bees are so amazing. But no, I don't think they fall in love. Unless perhaps they find the perfect flower? But that'd be like a person falling in love with the perfect sandwich. So probably not."

"Awesome. But why is the sky blue?"

"Rayleigh scattering. It's the way the particles of air in the atmosphere separate out visible light by different wavelengths and scatter them across the sky. Blue is scattered and refracted more strongly because it's a shorter wavelength than reds and yellows. Because the sun's at a different angle in the sky and the light hits the atmosphere differently it looks red and orange at sunset."

The dark haired girl paused, hazel-green eyes meeting warm blue ones and a teasing smile playing around full lips. Nothing in the world was as good as listening to the girl she loved to absolute distraction talk about her passion for science and knowledge.

"Ok? And why is water a liquid at room temperature even though H2O is an absolutely tiny compound?"

"Because of Van Der Waals forces of weak attraction between the slight positive and negative charge at different ends of the water molecules in a large group. Honestly, Marcy, you know this stuff. Our exam is next week, I know you know about Van Der Waals forces because I sit next to you in chemistry and I make you take notes."

Marceline propped herself up on her elbows and grinned at her girlfriend, squinting past the late-afternoon sun that was slanting into her eyes through the screens of honeysuckle they'd put up around the seating area. For a moment she was distracted by watching the progress of one of their honeybees bumbling along on its way back to the hive.

"I just like hearing you talk. I don't think I'll ever get sick of it, I could listen to you talking for hours." Marcy replied quietly after a long moment of very comfortable silence.

Bubblegum smiled down at her and placed her book to one side, carefully sliding a marker in so she didn't lose her place. It was hard to concentrate when Marcy was sprawled across her lap being utterly adorable anyway and after a second's hesitation she gave in and let her hand cup the other girl's cheek, feeling the smooth warm curve of her face like a delicate velvet against her palm. Sometimes she was still amazed that she could reach out and touch the other girl like that whenever she wanted, it felt like reaching into a beautiful painting to touch an otherworldly beauty like an angel or something.

"I actually like talking now when it's with you. And you know it's your fault, right? If you hadn't turned up at the hospital looking equal parts lost and beautiful and so broken I would never have spoken a word to anyone. I'd probably still be there." Bubblegum replied fondly as she slid a hand through Marcy's sleek, heavy hair again in the exact same way she'd done thousands of times over the last twelve months.

Her girlfriend sighed happily and rested her head back down in Bubblegum's lap, staring up at nothing in particular in the cloudless blue sky above them for a moment before letting her eyes slide closed.

"This is the nicest anniversary I've ever had." she murmured happily.

"It's our only anniversary so far." the redhead pointed out.

"So? It's still the very best. Although you can try to beat it next year if you want." Marcy replied with a shrug.

She grinned in the direction of Bubblegum's voice but didn't open her eyes again, too relaxed and happy in the evening sunshine with one of the people she loved most in the whole world. That's why she missed the arrival of one of the other people she loved most in the whole world until his voice drifted into her ears.

"Well don't you two just make the most adorable picture sitting like that? You look just like a couple of flower fairies surrounded by your beautiful garden. But I'm afraid your dinner's ready and as loath as I am to drag you both indoors if you don't come down to eat it then Gunther and GJ will happily take your places at the table."

Marcy opened her eyes and smiled up at Simon.

"Sorry, Dad. We were talking about science and bees."

Too busy being amazed by the unbelievable human who wanted to share her life, too busy feeling like love was invented just for the two of them, Marcy thought to herself. Perhaps Bubblegum could read those thoughts from the tenderness of her smile when she swung herself up and pressed a surprise kiss against the redhead's lips. Bubblegum blushed adorably but smiled shyly nonetheless and followed her girlfriend and Simon out of the garden, hand sliding into Marcy's by long habit and pressing their palms together.

It was weird, Marcy thought as she trailed Simon back to the stairs leading down to their apartment, what a difference twelve months could make. She was happier being alive than she could ever remember being. She had the most amazing girlfriend and adoptive father, she was doing well at college and she was actually looking forward to the future. And their garden was going from strength to strength, they'd won more funding to extend the project for the next year too and maybe open up a second garden if they could find a suitable site for it. Life was finally as good as everyone had always promised her it could be. She was still taking a pretty heavy dose of medication and receiving weekly therapy but she was finally stable and that alone felt like a complete miracle.

They took their seats at the table and Simon brought three plates of pasta from the kitchen, almost tripping on his way back to the table because his legs were wrapped in a writhing mass of excited cats.

One day a few months earlier Gunther had come home with a tiny white kitten in tow that someone cruel bastard had half-starved and for whatever perverse reason spray painted pink before presumably abandoning her in the street. Bubblegum had found them both on the fire escape that morning, alerted by Gunther's panicked yowls when the tiny kitten was too weak with hunger and dehydration to push open the cat-flap in their back door and enter the apartment. She'd immediately woken Simon and Marcy and they'd rushed Gunther Junior to the vets, it had been touch and go for a few days. But the tiny kitten pulled through and came home with them a couple of weeks later clean and well fed again. GJ had thrived since, never leaving Gunther's side for more than a few minutes. Of course Gunts made an awesome adoptive father, Marcy thought fondly. He had Simon as an example.

He was being his usual embarrassing father self during dinner, telling some long fanciful story about Marcy when she was eight and how she'd tried to lay a trap for the tooth fairy but fallen asleep long before Simon that night anyway. His daughter listened with half an ear and rolled her eyes where appropriate, much more interested in the stealthy way Bubblegum slid the disgusting green things off Marcy's plate whenever Simon wasn't looking. She shot a subtle smile at Bubblegum who quirked the side of her mouth upwards in reply and delicately nibbled a piece of stolen broccoli before nodding to something Simon had said like she'd been paying attention the whole time. Marcy felt her heart warm a little at just how wonderful her life had turned out these days and wordlessly slid the pepper down the table to her girlfriend without needing to be asked; she was an expert at anticipating her girlfriend's needs.

...

Her mobile rang just as they were finishing dinner and Marcy answered it with a grin when she saw the name on the screen.

"Finn Man!"

"Suicide Squad! How's it going?"

"Can't complain. How's life on the outside treating you these days?"

"Alright. It's sort fun, being out of hospital. I can do stuff with Jake again and I get to sleep in his bedroom if I have a rough night. I still gotta see a ton of head doctors but I'm back in school and I wanna be a social worker when I'm old enough. I'm gonna save _everyone_."

She could hear the pride in his voice and felt a pang of answering pride for him too; they'd gone back to visit Finn and the other kids as often as possible and having friends outside the hospital who wanted him to get better had really helped the blonde boy accept the help that was offered to him. He'd been improving in leaps and bounds until he'd finally been discharged two weeks earlier.

"So are you just calling for a chat or..?"

"Nah, I'm standing outside your apartment block! Surprise! Let me innnnnnn!" Finn said with a laugh.

Marcy hung up the line and stood from the table.

"Dad? Finn's here, I'm gonna show him the roof!" she yelled in the direction of the kitchen where Simon and Bubblegum were loading the dishwasher.

"Ok! Have fun, darling!" Simon called back.

Bubblegum met her in the hall and wordlessly slid out of the door behind her; the redhead still didn't like to talk in front of other people so much but she was beginning to be better with it. And she could talk if she needed to, it didn't cause the paroxysms of anxiety and terror that speaking had triggered for her when she was in the hospital. Finn was waiting for them with a huge grin plastered across his round face; he was bouncing on the balls of his feet in excitement.

As he grabbed Marceline for a tight hug she glanced over his shoulder and made eye contact with an older blonde woman in a car on the other side of the road. The woman nodded to her and a brief smile flitted across her slightly familiar features as she pulled away from the pavement and drove off down the street. Marcy frowned a little, thoughtful. The blonde woman looked kinda like-

"Finn! I'm so glad you're out of hospital!" Bubblegum was saying loudly.

And that in itself was a miracle; Finn was gaping at her with a face that radiated surprise. He did look a lot like his mother, Marcy thought. She had the same hair and eyes as him. It was nice that she'd stayed on the other side of the street to check he met them ok instead of waiting with him and embarrassing him in front of his friends. Mums were the best, Marcy thought distantly as Bubblegum grinned at Finn.

"Uhh, Bubs, that was mega loud!" he gasped in shock.

"I've been practicing talking to people." she replied at a more appropriate volume. A cute pink blush was spreading across her freckled cheeks and just for a second Marcy felt like she falling in love with her all over again; she was sometimes struck at the oddest moments by how lovely her girlfriend was. She shook her head to clear it. There'd be plenty of time to show Bubblegum how much she loved her later once they were alone, they were spending their anniversary night in their bedroom watching whatever Bubblegum wanted on the TV.

"Come on, Finn. We're gonna go up to the garden." she told him instead.

It wasn't a terribly tall building, just three storeys high, and it didn't take long before they'd trudged up the narrow external stairs to the charity roof garden they'd worked so hard to establish over the past year. The aim had been to create a space for other kids who suffered from depression or mental health problems to come and relax, feel at peace. Marcy had always felt happiest when she'd been in the middle of the wilderness with her mother, she'd figured perhaps other kids in the city might feel better in themselves if they could connect with nature a little. Seemed like for a lot of people she'd been right; the project had grown beyond her wildest dreams and now it was a massive success. It was like stepping through the door to Narnia, Bubblegum always said. Out on the street there was litter and graffiti and everything was made from grey concrete. Nobody smiled or made eye contact. It was a bleak, bittersweet world full of uncaring strangers and noise, deadlines and pressures and expectations. But up the stairs and out onto the roof of their unassuming building was The Oasis Garden and that was the exact opposite of the street below.

The first thing that Finn noticed was simply how _green_ everything was. And after that it was the perfume of a hundred different kinds of fragrance flowers combined to overload his senses with sweetness. Then the hum of bees and trickle of water features slid into his awareness over the distant traffic noise below and Finn understood why it was called The Oasis; it was like a tiny little Garden of Eden right there in the middle of the anonymous urban sprawl.

"This is amazing." he gasped, staring around himself.

"This is just the outside. You wanna come into the Inner Sanctum to get the full effect." Bubblegum told him with a proud grin.

She motioned towards his arm and pointed him forwards through a woven willow archway hung with sweet-scented honeysuckle in vivid pinks and creams that stood out spectacularly from the verdant green foliage. Finn sucked in an impressed breath. Marcy was pretty happy to let her girlfriend handle the tour; she was still enthralled every time Bubblegum opened her mouth and spoke to someone so she was left with plenty of time to reminisce over their many happy hours building everything from scratch together.

"The roof was pretty big when we looked it up so Marcy redesigned it all into concentric Zen boxes. This is the honeysuckle room." Bubblegum continued proudly.

That was something of an understatement, Marcy thought, but she didn't expect Finn would understand anyway if she'd explained that it was planted in memory of her mother. That midsummer they would wear honeysuckle crowns together and sing the old songs to the earliest sunrise; Marcy knew without a shadow of a doubt that before the end of it she would be sobbing into her girlfriend's lap but she was equally certain that Bubblegum would comfort her, gently wipe the tears from her cheeks and remind her of all the wonderful things in her life now. It wouldn't help to focus on things that she knew would upset her, Marcy's many therapists all agreed on that. Come what may she'd have Bubblegum by her side. So instead she turned her attention back to the garden and the tour, grinning widely at the amazement on the younger boy's face as he stared at the sweet screens of lush blooms.

It was a large long corridor like the inside of a living maze; the walls of honeysuckle towered above their heads and in one corner a traditional large wooden beehive was alive with activity. Bubblegum nodded at it proudly. "I make the honey, I'm learning to be a beekeeper as well as all my other school stuff. I sell it online and at local markets. It's Oasis Garden Honey, it's really good. I'm going to be in a competition with it this year. We have it on toast for breakfast." she told him, practically glowing with pride. Marcy felt her ruby-heart give an extra strong pulse of love; she didn't have words for how wonderful it was to see Bubblegum so happy.

"I bet any honey you make is extra sweet." Finn breathed in reply.

Marcy narrowed her eyes a little; maybe she wasn't the only one who'd noticed that a healthy, happy, talkative Bubblegum who looked after her hair and glowed with pride was a very attractive Bubblegum. If Finn had wanted to get to know her and try to help her he'd had plenty of opportunities during the whole year before Marcy had arrived at St Luke's. She slid a little closer and put a protective arm around Bubblegum's shoulder, staring hard at the younger blonde boy who looked back at her innocently like he didn't understand why she was frowning at him.

Of course the redhead noticed the slight tension between her friend and her girlfriend and leaned into Marcy's embrace lovingly, giving her a look of pure adoration that somewhat made the taller girl forgive Finn. Of course he couldn't help noticing she was beautiful, Marcy though. Bubblegum was the most beautiful person she'd ever seen.

"When it's a whole separate area that's distinct in its design and structure like this then gardeners call it a 'room'. This bit of the garden is our honeysuckle room." Bubblegum continued proudly. "It smells best. I made the benches out of reclaimed wood and this is my favourite place to sit when it's sunny because the sun makes the honeysuckle release more essential oils into the air and that makes the whole place hum with fragrance. The smell comes from a complex mix of organic chemicals that are unique to each variety and in some cases each individual plant, like a scent thumb print. You can smell the garden from down the street when it's really warm. There are nineteen different types of honeysuckle in this room, I picked them all for their scent."

"You know a lot about honeysuckle." Finn commented, still wide eyed. Bubblegum grinned a little self-consciously.

"I read a really good book about it! Marcy got me some books about flowers and they were fascinating. She's the best." she told him happily. Marcy grinned in reply and pressed a quick kiss against the tip of her girlfriend's nose, making her blush and giggle a little again. Then she was motioning him forwards again into the next 'room' in the garden. "

Roses!" Finn yelled, excited. "I know what these ones are! I got some for my Mum on mother's day! She was so happy."

"This is the rose room. It's based on both traditional European rose gardens and on Japanese rock gardens. This is where Marcy meditates." Bubblegum informed him. "I like to sit with her and read or just watch her, she's very relaxing to watch. She's kinda Zen too, like, she's so still and tranquil. Meditating with her is the best."

"Adorable creep." Marcy grinned back. "The hardest part is not collapsing in giggles and losing my concentration when I can feel her staring at me."

"Uh, you meditate?" Finn asked her, confused.

"Yeah, I do. It helps me relax and find my inner tranquillity. It also helps me focus my energy to thump annoying little dudes with absolute precision if they try to say that meditation is lame. Just so you know." she told him a little defensively.

"Nah, I think it's cool! Show me how some time?" Finn asked. Marcy sighed.

"Sure, man. I show a lot of people how, actually. I'm thinking of opening up a Tai Chi and meditation group cause it's so popular. Dunno though, I might not have time."

"I'd come! It'd be awesome!" the blonde boy enthused. "I'd Tai Chi the crap outta my stress!"

"Don't think it works like that but, whatever." Marcy shrugged. "We'll see, I dunno if I'm good enough to lead a class in it yet anyway."

In truth she wasn't sure she wanted to share her early morning serenity with anyone but Bubblegum. The rose garden had been a real labour of love for the both of them, she felt like it had cemented them as a couple to build something so beautiful together. Marcy had such fond memories of lugging huge bags of compost up the stairs and raking bark chips over endless flower beds while the scent of fresh green rose leaves and warm earth filled her with a kind of quiet serenity. It had just felt to natural and right to kiss Bubblegum there in the rose garden, hands sliding through her hair and lips pressed her sweet skin. It was their place, other people could come here but nobody got to enjoy it quite the way they did, nobody else had those private memories of stolen kisses brightening up dull spring days. Perhaps letting Finn and whoever else come and barge into that serenity would ruin her memories, or maybe it would simply make her cherish them more. She hadn't made her mind up yet.

"There are fourteen types of rose in this room as well as nine types of stone in the gravel garden. There's another beehive on the other side too, we keep them apart a little so they don't compete too much." Bubblegum cut in, still in garden-tour mode.

"You're good at remembering how many of each type you've got." Finn told her in surprise.

"I know. I like making lists of thing." Bubblegum replied.

"How many rooms are there in the garden?" Finn asked interestedly. "It doesn't look so big from the outside."

"Yeah, it's a like tardis. There are four, including the Inner Sanctum. The next one is the cut flower cottage garden room." Marcy told him.

She reached out and slapped his hand before it could touch one of Bubblegum's precious Osiria roses. They were a rare and hard to grow variety that Marcy had found at a garden show the summer before, one of the first garden shows they'd gone to together after being discharged from the hospital and still a little shy of showing too much affection in public. They'd spent the whole day sending each other covert smiles that had boiled over into a long and heated kissing session once they got home to make up for the trial of not being able to hold hands all day. The base of each individual petal on he Osiria rose was a pure snowy white and slowly faded into a deep blood red at the tip. Marcy thought they looked like someone had sucked all the colour out of the bottom of the petals, they were her favourites too.

"And this," Bubblegum announced in the proudest voice of all, "is the cut flower cottage garden."

" _Woah_." Finn breathed as he stepped through the rose-arch into the third room.

'Woah' was a pretty accurate description, Marcy thought. Cut flowers were varieties grown to look good in floral displays and they'd have the most glorious bouquets of flowers this year. It was a riot of colour and scent; there were more varieties of flower there than Marcy could name spilling from every possible square inch of the room. Containers overflowed and vertical grow stands groaned under the sheer volume of luscious blooms, climbers and creepers overhung dozens of overhead pergolas and draped heavy scent over them like the whole room was a single huge organism breathing green life onto its human guests.

She'd built this one mostly with Simon, watching in fascination as he reeled off more and more information about each seed packet and fresh shoot that appeared while Bubblegum tended the bees and smiled at her like the sunrise. Marcy was quite certain that between them her father and her girlfriend they could answer every question in the known universe.

"If you're really careful with my good secateurs you can put together your own bouquet and take it home for your mother." Bubblegum added to Finn. "I give one to my Mum every week when they're in bloom. I think it makes her a bit happier that I live here now. And then you can get some herbs out of the Inner Sanctum to make it unique."

"It looks like you grow the whole world here. It's like, a Garden Kingdom and you're the Queens. This place is _amazing_ , no wonder you win awards!" Finn told her breathlessly.

It was true; they'd won a few gardening awards that summer and a few charity awards too. The local papers have been to take photos and Simon was negotiating with a TV crew from a gardening show to come and film a small feature about the Oasis Garden for one of their upcoming programmes. He'd almost fallen over with shock and pride when he'd picked up the phone and been greeted by the voice of the nice man from TV with all the dogs and the big, famous garden asking if they could come and film on his roof.

"Inner Sanctum?" Finn prompted after a second.

"Right through here." Marcy told him, pointing through the final archway.

The Inner Sanctum was the last and biggest room. After the riot of greenery and blooms in the other rooms Finn had been expecting it would overwhelm him with flowers. But the Inner Sanctum was almost Spartan in its design, Zen-like in its simplicity. There were low stone benches and a sunken fire pit right in the middle surrounded by a mosaic floor made of polished recycled glass of every possible colour set into the concrete walkways. Around the edges of the room stands at hip height held all manner of herbs and green shrubbery that Finn couldn't have even begun to name. It was accented by several minimalist water fountains that trickled down over smooth blue-grey pebbles and added an almost musical note to the air, blending the traffic noise from the streets below them away to almost nothing. Finn could feel the tension draining out of his shoulders just by stepping into the room, it was the very definition of peaceful.

This was where they help group therapy for their small crowd of local teens, it was where Marcy was learning not just to share her story but to hear others' too. Sometimes she brought her guitar out there and they just sat together talking and singing, sometimes they'd have an intense one-to-one with a kid who needed to get it all off their chest. Whatever was happening it usually happened in the Inner Sanctum.

"This place is magical." he breathed, awestruck.

"It's pretty cool." Marcy agreed happily. "Bubblegum designed it. She's so awesome at this sorta thing."

They sat together in the Inner Sanctum until the sun finally began to set, catching up with Finn and telling him about their bees and their flowers and the army of volunteers who came every day to help keep the Oasis Garden beautiful. Most of them were local kids who had problems with mental health, there were a few adults and even one or two retired volunteers. The Oasis Garden was so popular that despite being Bubblegum and Marcy's idea they didn't really need to do so much work on it unless they wanted to, the volunteers and Simon kept it in perfect condition for them most of the time. Finn was as enthusiastic as Marcy had suspected he would be when she asked if he wanted to come volunteer with them too.

"How are Lydia and Phoebe doing?" she asked after a while. Finn's face fell.

"Lyds got really sick again. She was doing so well but something must have happened because she was moved onto a new unit. I dunno, her skin went all weird and lumpy." Finn replied quietly. "I wanted to help but I've been working on accepting that there are things I can't fix. Because I'm not a super hero. I wanted to make it all better for her but, um, I can't. Because if I try to help and she doesn't get better anyway I can't blame it all on my nemesis, sometimes people get sick and die and it's nobody's fault. I can't be a super hero because they're just a metaphor."

Finn said that last part like he was chanting a mantra; Bubblegum looked at him curiously. Those were the exact same words she'd said to him the year before so perhaps some people were a bit like a super hero, Marcy though. Bubblegum had been able to help save Finn, at least. Marcy nodded, also sad for their friend. Lumpy skin was a symptom of liver failure that Marcy recognised too well from her previous overdoses when she'd been suicidal from emotional pain. And in someone with anorexia that usually meant total organ failure, it was unlikely that it was just Lydia's liver that has been damaged. Marcy hoped for her friend that she'd make it out of hospital without it having to be in a coffin.

"Phoebe's doing a lot better now though. Her new meds are really helping and she said the voices only whisper sometimes, she can ignore them a lot and she doesn't want to burn herself anymore. She gave me a goodbye kiss when I was discharged." Finn added shyly, cheeks flushing from happy embarrassment.

"That's so cute, you can have weird psycho babies together." Marcy grinned back at him. "Hey, you wanna get a bouquet for your Mum? It's getting late, you should call her to come pick you up and you can surprise her with flowers."

She helped him cut some magnificent dahlias, lavender and lilies and added a sprig of leafy peppermint to give the whole bouquet a fresh, unique scent. Just as they were finishing tying some gardening twine around the stems to hold the whole arrangement together two voices approached from the rooms outside.

"..can't tell you how much it meant to Finn that your girls came to visit even after they were discharged, Simon. I know it must have been hard for them to go back in that place. And I must say I'm very impressed with this garden, no wonder it's in all the local papers. Of course if Finn and Jake wanted to help out I'd be happy for them to come over so long as they're no trouble for you."

"Well I'm very glad you approve, Margaret. Marcy's barely stopped talking about Finn all year, seems like the two of them have become fast friends. Ah, there they are now."

Simon and the same older blonde woman who'd been watching Finn from across the street stepped around the screen of foliage together and into the Inner Sanctum and Finn bounded over, presenting the bouquet to his mother almost shyly.

"Marcy and Bubblegum helped me make this for you, Mum. They're gonna show me how to grow stuff." Finn told her proudly.

"Your father will be thrilled, you can help him with his vegetables." the woman replied with a smile. "These are lovely, thank you so much. And these girls must be your friends. Hello, I'm Margaret, Finn's mother. So lovely to meet you finally, my son's told me all about you both."

She held out her hand and Marcy shook it. "Pleased to meet you, I'm Marceline." she said carefully. She'd met a few important people over the last year so it wasn't too daunting to make a good impression on her friend's mother. "And this is my girlfriend, Bubblegum."

Margaret looked a little surprised when the redhead ignored her hand and instead dropped into a perfect little curtsy; it was something Simon had suggested she try because making skin contact with strangers was still supremely uncomfortable for her but through her work on the garden a lot of people wanted to shake her hand.

"Well girls, this is an absolutely beautiful garden you've made here. I can see why Finn's so impressed with you both. And I wanted to thank you for coming to see him so often and helping him while he was in the hospital." Margaret continued.

"Muuuum, you're so embarrassing!" Finn wailed, mortified that she'd mentioned he'd been sick even if every single person there knew about it.

"I can hardly embarrass you by telling people what good friends you have, Finn. Come on sweetheart, let's get home and put these gorgeous flowers in water. I'll see you all soon, I'm sure." Margaret told them all with a smile.

She guided Finn back out of the garden and down the stairs while he waved over his shoulder at Bubblegum and Marcy.

"I've said it before but I'm sure you can stand to hear it again. I am so very, _very_ proud of you both." Simon told them with a fond smile as they all trooped back inside the building and down to their apartment.

Marcy and Bubblegum followed him hand in hand, already discussing which documentaries they'd watch while snuggling up together that night. Nothing in the world felt safer to Marcy than lying with her girlfriend's arms around her hearing Bubblegum's heartbeat against her ear while the TV filled the room with a blue glow and background noise. It was the perfect end to her first anniversary, she couldn't wait to see how all the others would end too.

...

By the time Marcy fell asleep that night she was the best kind of exhausted; tired from a day's honest work and content with how everything was. Bubblegum was fast asleep next to her and Simon was snoring away in his bedroom next door; everything was as it should be. Her ruby-heart felt whole again, maybe a little scarred and scuffed but solid and healthy. It was full of love and that was the only thing that mattered at the end of everything. She knew because someone really wise had told her so a year earlier. Perhaps one day she might still want to die, she had no idea what the future would bring. But it wouldn't be that day, or even the next day or the next week or month. It would be another day, a day very far away and maybe it would never even come.

One thing Marcy had learned more than anything else was that no matter how sad she felt, it never lasted forever. That she was the person with the power to make her future whatever she wanted it to be and it didn't have to be a choice between dying or living in constant pain.

"I know you're asleep, babe, but I just wanted to tell you that I love you more than anything in the world." Marcy breathed into Bubblegum's sleeping ear. "Without you I'd probably be dead, or still locked in the crazy hospital. I might never have managed to heal my ruby-heart and then Simon would be sad too that I'd killed myself. You're an angel, you can't fool me. I know, cause you came and saved me when I needed you most. And you're too beautiful to be a regular person, you gotta be some kinda angel. And I just love you, I adore you. I don't know how else to tell you but I feel like I wanna keep saying it over and over until you know just how much I love you."

"Marcy." Bubblegum murmured, stirring and smiling in her sleep but not waking.

Marcy took a long moment to examine every line and curve of her girlfriend's wonderful face before carefully lowering herself down next to her. Bubblegum's arms immediately slid further around her, holding her securely so there was no chance she might disappear in the night.

She closed her eyes and dreamed of her mother, of her beautiful singing and their adventures together, of the magnificent fairy tales she'd recited from memory. Dreamed of the midsummer flower crowns they'd made together in the secluded forest meadows they'd spent the warm weather in when she'd been small. In her dreams they were in the Oasis Garden together and Bubblegum and Simon were there too. All the people she loved best in the whole world, filling her ruby-heart with so much love that it glowed like a bonfire in her chest. Perhaps heaven looked like a garden; perhaps whatever unity her mother had become with the Infinite beyond the living world she was enjoying the scent of the summer blooms too. She dreamed of Bubblegum and her softness and warmth, of the hours and hours they'd spent together in the garden just exploring what it was to be in love. And then her dreams shifted a little; Marceline dreamed of the lullaby her mother had sung to her when she was very small. The words came back to her unconscious memory so much more easily than during the waking hours, words that were more powerful now than they'd ever been before. Perhaps she understood them better now since she'd allowed love to heal her shattered heart.

 _"Let's go in the garden  
You'll find something waiting  
Right there where you left it  
Lying upside down..."_


End file.
